Currently eating year-old wedding cake, and it’s actually quite good. A nice surprise. 🙂
I feel like in some ways I’ve strayed from my intention to make my blog an expressive writing outlet, and I somewhat regret that. I don’t believe that blogging is necessarily for venting or online therapy or anything like that, but rarely do I write about issues or events that I find thought-provoking, stimulating, or inspiring (not in any religious sort of way, but rather aesthetically inspiring). My blog seems to portray me as a shallow person, and I’d like to change that.
Lately, I’ve been confronting my adulthood. It seems so strange to even type that. I’ve legally been an adult since 19, and out of college over 3 years, and yet until recently, I didn’t feel like “a grown-up.” I’ve had bills, a job, and all the trappings of adulthood for a number of years, but it didn’t quite seem real. I always told myself I’d put off doing things until I was older, but I had no certain time frame in mind. Not to be morbid, but I’ve realized that we don’t really have some infinite parcel of time, and that if i want to do something and have the means to do it, then dammit, I should do it. One of my high school classmates was recently killed in a fight. He was 27. If I somehow found out that I only had another year or two to live, I would be filled with so much regret for all the things I didn’t do and wouldn’t have time to do. Being in grad school does somewhat limit what I can do, given the workload, but in some ways I feel like I’ve used it as a crutch to justify not doing things. I feel like I’ve let my life stop, and that there’s so much more I could do, if I’d just let it happen. When Scott and I got the curtains and hardware up the other day, it felt like some gigantic accomplishment, and that was somewhat troubling to me. Sure, it really did a lot to spruce things up, but a momentous occasion? Hardly.
All that said (sorry for the tl;dr), I feel like my life is good. Being married is a great thing, but anyone who tells you it isn’t stressful and (at times) difficult is full of shit. This has been a big surprise for both of us, because we lived together for nearly two years before getting married and thought that we had each other figured out. This couldn’t be further from the truth. We still surprise each other every day, and there’s the added pressure of feeling like everything we do is setting a precedent for the rest of our lives. They say that the first year of marriage is always the most difficult, and “they” are absolutely correct. Even still, I can’t imagine my life without him, and I am more than willing to put up with the stress if it means having him with me. I know that once we settle in to a routine that things will be easier for us as individuals and as a couple. There’s also the whole “I’m in grad school working my ass off for (almost) no money” aspect to all of it, which is probably the biggest source of stress in my life for now. Having a reliable schedule, a respectable job, and a decent income will do wonders for my stress level and my self-esteem.
Enough of my emo-ness. This weekend should be pretty awesome, filled with dinner out, shopping, steam cleaning the carpets (par-tay!), and maybe watching the Super Bowl. I’ve managed to accomplish a lot academically this week, so I may let myself off the hook this weekend for reading/statistics-ing. I have 4 assignments due by the end of February and I’ve already finished 1 and a half of them.
Real entry to recap everything later, avec photos.
I had a Sprite and a beignet for breakfast. So far, so good. I’m back at my hotel resting and taking Pepto every couple of hours. I think I will be OK for tonight.
It’s my last day of work before the wedding. My boss is out, ergo, I’m going to be totally useless today. I am having lunch w/ Scott and Stu today, and I have a pedi appt at 4:00. I thought it was yesterday, so I left after 3:30, drove there, and it was locked. WTF?! I finally got someone at the door and she checked the books and told me my appt was Tuesday, not Monday. Dee dee dee…I’m not sure how I wrote it down wrong, but I did. Ah well. I will love getting off early 2 days in a row, and today I get tohave my tootsies rubbed down and made to look good.
I keep waiting for a complete meltdown. I’m not usually the type to just lose my cool, but I just marvel at how cool and calm I’ve been lately, and I wonder how long it will last. The only difference I’m noticing is that I’m waking up super early, like between 5:30 and 6. I feel fine, so I guess it’s OK that I’m getting closer to 7 hours of sleep rather than my usual 8. I just wonder if at some point it’s all going to hit me and I’ll just be a mess. There are times I think of certain aspects of the wedding and I get kind of nervous, though not in a bad way. I know that in the end, it’s going to be a lot of fun, and we’ll be so glad that we didn’t elope (something I occasionally contemplated).
My camera should be arriving today, and I’m so psyched about it. I will probably take some test pictures tonight, and if they turn out nicely, I may post them here just to show off. I hope to be able to take tons of pictures on the honeymoon, and the better ones will be posted. I will also create Facebook albums w/ all the pictures from the days before the wedding, any non-pro pictures taken at the wedding and reception, and of course the honeymoon. Luckily we’ll have the laptop w/ us, so I can upload pictures as we take them in order not to fill up our memory card.
I just got off the phone with my real boss (the one I like). He has to do an annual performance review of me, and he has taken steps to ensure that my Other Boss doesn’t get his grubby little hateful paws on the eval to muck it up. No doubt he’d slam me for things that are far beyond my control anyways, and Real Boss knows this. It’s nice to have people in your corner, that’s for sure. Even though I’m leaving, a negative eval could really hurt me in the future. Big thumbs up for Real Boss!
In 180 hours, I’ll be someone’s wife.
Today at work I was mostly useless,save for some paperwork I went ahead and did so that when my boss and my co-worker come back in tomorrow (maybe), I’ll have it mostly done so that I can just get some amounts, print, get signatures, and send on its merry way. I only have 3 more work days left before the wedding. I’m so very, very excited about that. I have just 19 more work days until I can tell my Other Boss to suck it. I will miss my real boss, though. He’s such a sweet guy, and I think I’m one of the few people who really appreciate his sense of humor. Even when he gives me a lot of stuff to do, he’s always very kind about it. I spent most of the afternoon reorganizing my computer files so that whenever I leave, everything is accesible on the hard drive (rather than my Z drive) and it’s all organized. When I got to the job, everything was in a total state of disarray, and if anything, I can pride myself on the fact that I really got things cleaned up and organized. Whoever ends up doing all the paperwork for my boss will at least have some inkling as to what the hell is going on, unlike me, because I had 10 million sheets of random forms to wade through.
I also printed up the programs. They look nice! When I got home I fixed the loop on my train and did a once-over to make sure the beading looked OK. I haven’t put it on since March when I got it altered. I’ve never put on the whole thing (veil, shoes, dress, jewelry) and I’m so, so excited to see how I’ll look. My wedding related nightmare last night involved the stylist not showing up and me not realizing this until right before 5:00. I was freaked out and pissed. Even still, I’ve been sleeping so well lately. Most people I know (from online) who are getting married the 16th, 23rd, or 30th are all flipping out and can’t sleep. Not me. Now, my appetite has gone to crap, but I’m sleeping just fine. Ahhhh.
Speaking of, I may get in bed and watch some King of the Hill before I pass out.
Things are all getting so real. Tomorrow, we will be counting down the days in single digits. A week from today, we will be driving to New Orleans to begin taking care of things (marriage license, paying vendors, etc.) and meeting up w/ friends and family who have made the long journey to come share in our happiness. Then come the days and nights of dinners, seeing shows, and having fun. Then we get married (!!!) and then fly to PR for a week of decompressing and having fun together.
Yesterday morning, I mailed off a check to the reception/ceremony venue to pay off the balance of what we owe them. That was the biggest check I’ve ever written in my life. It was weird. We’ve paid off most all of our balances, all the while paying off our debts, and at the end of all of this, we most likely (cross your fingers) will not accumulate a penny of wedding-related debt. Anyone who says you have to blow tons of money and go into debt to have a wedding is stupid. We’ve had to work at it, but in the end, it’s been good for us.
Scott, although obsessive at times, has been great in keeping us on track and it’s good to see that he actually cares about our financial situation and wants us to start off right. So many couples end up with stacks of bills to pay and it creates a strain on the marriage. We have worked very hard together to be disciplined with our spending and we’ve even created an “after the wedding” budget to figure out our total income, expenses, projected savings, and what amount of money we both get to play with. I am so, so glad we did this.
In other news, we thought Brubeck had developed mange again. He was biting and licking his paws to the point they were balding again. We were really upset, because it has to be miserable for him, and we really don’t need another $200 vet bill a week before the wedding. As it turns out, he has a food allergy, so I’m leaving work here in a bit to go dog food shopping. No more cheap shit for him. It’s worth it.
-I’m exhausted. Just exhausted.
-I spilled an ENTIRE cup of coffee on the carpet this morning. It’s like I forgot I was holding it and it went everywhere. I was late to work because I had to treat the carpet and sop up what I could. I have no caffeine in my system and I am pissy.
-Scott has become another person, and not for the better. I don’t know what the fuck is going on.
-I hung out w/ a few of my friends last night. One of them just got divorced and he is really bitter. I feel so bad for him because he’s one of the nicest and most “together” people I know. He didn’t deserve that.
+Last night of class is tonight.
+We’ve been getting presents in the mail almost every other day.
-I put in the order for flowers yesterday afternoon and it was more than we had budgeted. Scott was mad about it and took it out me. Nice.
+ Even still, we’re getting a bouquet, 6 boutenneires, and 4 corsages for less than $250.
I hope things improve for me.
If it weren’t for the fact that I only have two more nights of class, I’d have a fit. I’m just soooo tired. Work was busy yesterday, since my boss is finally moving into his real office (we’ll be in the same suite…yeah…) and I was helping him move stuff around and get organized. Then I had class, of course, and I was ready to nod off. Even the coffee I got before class didn’t help, although it did affect my sleep. Lovely.
My “to-do” list continues to dwindle, which is good. There are so many little last minute things to think about and this is really the time when you decide if something is really worthwhile (or worth the $$). Generally, the answer is, “no.” I still need to place the flower order. I haven’t been slacking, it’s just that she said with the few flowers that we’re getting, there’s no need to place it any more than 3 weeks ahead of time. Nice. I may knock that out today, provided I’m not too busy here.
I also hope my ring is done at the jeweler’s, as promised. I took it in last Wednesday for resizing and they said it would be ready today. It better be. I’ve been walking around like a free woman for a week, LOL. I’m really surprised that one of my busybody co-workers hasn’t asked if the wedding was off or something. I should have had the damn thing resized 9 months ago, but I didn’t want to resize it for when the weather was cooler and then find out my ring wouldn’t fit on my heat swollen fingers. I figured now was as good a time as any, and I made sure to go in towards the end of a very hot day, so my fingers were approaching sausage level. Even still, I had it sized down by a half size, so maybe I won’t be so paranoid about it slipping off my fingers.