I did not make it past the QEP, so my aspirations to join the Foreign Service are on hold for now. Dang competitive Public Diplomacy track!
If things don’t work out here, I’ll try again. I already love it here and kinda don’t want to leave, so this works out just fine.
This is what my office looks like now. I wiped my computer, turned it in, cleaned out my belongings, and turned in my keys yesterday. It was surprisingly less emotional than I’d anticipated, but still sad. I think other people expressed more sadness than I did. I remain hopeful that better things are coming.
The conference went about as well as it could have, I’d say. My poster went swimmingly, and I got lots of great ideas and feedback. I managed to keep to myself the fact that in 8 days, all of what I presented dies with my academic career. I really avoided going to sessions and even skipped out on my interest group’s meeting, if only because I feared how painful it would be to say goodbye to so many people.
My meetings with people went far better than I’d anticipated. My connection at UNM (no need for pseudonyms, really) met up with me for a drink on the 2nd night of the conference, and we ended up having an amazing time. During our walk to the bar, she basically told me everything that happened with the search that broke my heart. As awkward as it could have been, it was a moment of catharsis for me. Apparently, the boys’ club won out and picked the male candidate, who proceeded to utterly not work out at all. Of all of the rejections, I took that one the hardest, and knowing that it had nothing to do with me (except for my lack of a penis) made me realize that I am not a failure because I failed. Better things are on the horizon, and all of this will lead me there.
When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.
I am in beautiful San Francisco for a conference! My last one, obviously, and I am doing a poster. Why I didn’t elect to do these in prior conferences, I will never know. So much less stress and more one-on-one interaction.
Later on, I am meeting up with two different people with one very odd thing in common: They were both on committees that rejected me for a job. It sounds like I’m a glutton for punishment, but both are for good reasons. One has become a friend and research collaborator, and we wanted to hang out a bit. The last time I saw her was during my campus visit last year, so it will be nice to catch up. The other is someone I met when I interviewed at a university very close to where I will be moving in 17 (!!!!!) days, and I want to reconnect and perhaps get advice as to what I could do outside of academia in that region. She was really cool to me during my visit, and she could be a powerful resource for me as I begin to remake my professional identity.
I think tomorrow and Monday will involve a lot of sight-seeing, walking around, and general non-conference stuff. I bought a bath bomb at Lush and will take full advantage of my hotel’s bathtub, since we have had only a shower stall since we moved in July. Ahhh…
We have a house, and it’s even more awesome than the one we didn’t get. Some bad things do, in fact, turn out OK.
Things were going so well, I felt so grateful…Of COURSE something had to go wrong. Sigh.
The spouse leaves New Mexico tomorrow to come home (yay!) and was going to sign the lease this morning so that it would be dealt with during his trip. The dude backed out on him this morning, citing some kind of family conflict that necessitated that he move back into the place rather than rent it. This after a couple of weeks of him waffling, backing out, then saying all was resolved. Needless to say, the spouse gave him the what-for. We could have signed a lease with a few other places, but declined to do so because he assured us it was going to work out. I so desperately loathe flaky people who can’t get their shit together. We’re applying for approval on a cute little place in another fairly desirable neighborhood and hoping that it pans out today so that the spouse can sign the lease and come home happy.
It didn’t help matters that I was teaching all morning and then dealing with an onslaught of student meetings immediately after. Spouse was texting and calling and not getting an answer, which I’m sure did nothing for his peace of mind. So after I’ve dealt with all that, I get the bad news and immediately swing into action from my end. I didn’t eat lunch until 12:30, and those of you who know me know that it’s a big deal for me to eat late. However, time was of the essence and I had to get on it right away.
After being on this low-FODMAP diet for a couple of months, I am noticing that my appetite and metabolism are super-human. I swear I could eat 5 meals a day if I’d let myself. At the same time, I’m dropping all kinds of weight. This is a good thing, but now that I’m not in a position financially to invest in new clothes, my stuff is just hanging off of me. I buy my work clothes a little big to err on the side of conservatism, but now they’re just ridiculously huge. The upshot is that when I am in a position to buy clothes again, I’ll be in a much bigger and cooler city that has real stores. A silver lining in every cloud, I suppose.