One for the money, two for the show June 20, 2009

Even though the academic year is a couple of months off, I am doing some serious prep in anticipation of my upcoming job search and next year’s conferences. A friend who is a new faculty member at another institution advised me to make my CV look like a new prof’s, not a grad student’s, so I’m taking his advice. I’m working on 3 different proposals for a conference that isn’t until late April (!!!) because the deadline is July 15th, and I’ll be pretty busy between now and then. I’m also finishing up on my presentation for my upcoming trip, and I think/hope my presentation will be interesting.

My institution is certainly improving its graduate student services, but one thing they aren’t doing is giving us business cards for passing out at conferences, interviews, and the like. I’m seriously considering ordering 100 cards with my contact information printed on them in case anyone wishes to continue contact after the conference. Has anyone ever done this, and if so, was it worth it? I would of course be sure to get something that is tasteful and professional-looking.

The Audacity of Heat June 18, 2009

It’s hot, boys and girls. Really hot. On the upside, it makes me wake up earlier. The downside is…well, pretty much everything else. I pretty much nullify the freshening benefits of my daily shower walking the 5 minutes from my car to the office. Growing my hair seems less and less like a good idea, so I’ve been rocking the ponytail/bun/messy up-do in the interest of staying cool and not chopping my hair out of frustration. My runs are scheduled for early in the morning or late evening, but either way they are most sweaty and exhausting.

Speaking of, I’m beginning to see subtle changes in my physique, and it’s certainly reinforcing. I took my 2nd picture a couple of days ago and noticed that I had some definition around my collarbone that was not there before. Little things. I’ve yet to skip a single run, but I can’t take all of the credit. My running buddies are awesome and they keep me motivated and accountable, which is exactly what I need.

There was some drama with my data earlier this week (shocking, I know), but it all seems to be resolved now. I ended up chopping out about 50 people, but in the end, it’s no huge loss because that data was kind of junk anyways. I stayed in the office from 11am-9pm on Tuesday and I honestly thought I was going to lose my mind. An early start on Wednesday after some sleep helped me to be much more productive and on-task, and I managed to fix everything by about 10AM. My findings now are consistent with what they were before, which is good, but this time I know that they’re with reliable and valid data. Interestingly, I’m actually losing fewer people this way than before when my reliability checks were eliminating people at twice the normal rate. Kids, don’t use other peoples’ data!

June 12, 2009

My data so far doesn’t look all that earth-shattering. The expected relationships are there, but my experimental conditions don’t seem to show any significant differences. This is both good and bad; good in that it challenges a theory put forward by a big name person in my field, but bad because it’s so much less interesting. I’m going to do a litlte more tweaking today, talk to my advisor about it, and then finish writing up my presentation so that I’m not putting in a frantic 11th-hour effort whilst flying over the Atlantic. I’m actually looking forward to the conference aspect of this trip and not just the chance to hang out in Europe for a week in July. This is one of the last few conferences I’ll attend before (I hope) entering academia, and I want to get the most of it.

I took advantage of the new lower price on refurb 8gb iPhones, and so far, I’ve thoroughly enjoyed mine. I’m trying not to go too app-happy, but it is nice to have useful information right at your fingertips pretty much wherever you go. The real test will be what kind of reception and sound quality I get, because one of my main reasons for upgrading was that my previous phone was kind of a piece, and I felt compelled to fling it into the nearest body of water a few times when I had to repeat the same word four times over or when half of what the other person said was incomprehensible.

My marathon training is going well despite the intense heat and humidity characteristic of Alabama summers. I’m just surprised that it took this long to get so infernal. As long as I run before 9 or after 7, I’m OK, but I’m not above running indoors if it gets any hotter. The training method I’m using is called the Galloway method, and it involves two easy runs (~30 minutes) and one long run (starts at 4 and builds up by 1 mile each subsequent week) per week, which fits nicely into my schedule. Another unique aspect of this method is that you have a specific run-walk ratio tailored to your fitness level, so that you never overexert yourself. Now I’m walking 1 minute for every minute that I run, and I alternate running and walking throughout the sessions. I never really feel like I’m going too hard on myself, but I know that my endurance has increased substantially. Next month I’ll actually register for the marathon so that I feel a sense of obligation to continue training (otherwise I’ll lose the $125), but so far I feel like this is something that I can stick with. As long as I can avoid injury, I see myself succeeding.

Get to steppin’ June 6, 2009

I find myself in somewhat of an academic rut. It’s nothing serious, but I once again have a load of work to plow through over the next few weeks and at times it feels like an insurmountable obstacle, to the point that I’ve spent more time worrying and procrastinating than I have actually working. I’ve been good about doing not doing this recently, and now is not the time for my old habits to resurface. After the hellish April I had coupled with my proposal defense and recovery from surgery, I feel like I haven’t taken a full breath in quite some time. I really won’t have a break until mid-late July, and even then, I’ll likely be busy packing. A busy life is better than the alternative, but when you’re in the thick of things, it sure doesn’t feel that way. By the end of next week, I need to pound out 3 conference proposals and finish up my analysis so I can get my presentation ready by the end of the following week. I’m really chomping at the bit now, but I’m feeling impossibly lazy and unmotivated at the present.

My reformation plan is going quite well. I’ve been running, going to the gym, and monitoring my eating habits a little more closely, and it’s paid off! I lost about 4 lbs over the past 2 weeks in part because I’m consuming less salt and way more water, and I’ve taken an inch off my waist, which is a welcome development. Tomorrow is my first long run (I’m training for a marathon and have one “long” run per week.) If all goes well, I’ll peel off 6 miles, but even 5 would be OK. I’ve never done more than 5 before in my life, so I’m curious to see whether I can even do it. Each week my long runs get successively longer until I’m able to do 26 in one try. I don’t see how I can’t substantially shape up when I’m running no less than 12 miles a week, and up to 32 miles in the later weeks.

Confrontation May 31, 2009

I decided to buck up and take a picture of myself to get a baseline so that I can objectively see changes as I improve my fitness and lose weight.

Not. Good.

Obviously I’m not going to post these pictures, as they show me semi-clothed, and I want to keep things PG around here (swearing and alcohol references aside). It was so strange to be confronted with an image of myself that I’d never really seen before, or at least one that I’d never let myself see. I felt like I was looking at another person. I am so much bigger than I imagined myself to be, and the effect was pretty shocking. This isn’t how I want to look, and I don’t like how I feel, hence my efforts to turn this around before it’s too late.

Weekend re-cap May 30, 2009

The dresser is now residing in our guest room, thanks to the generosity of two friends who came over to help us get it out of the car. It was not easy. I’ve pretty much promised the spouse that I will no longer accept things from my mom that don’t fit into my purse. I understand why she always wants to send me home with things (to feel like she’s taking care of me), but given that we’re trying to reduce our possessions, it doesn’t really help.

This week has been kind of a bust, academically. I’ve been toying with my data a bit, but not in any substantial way. I found some interesting correlations, and in one case found absolutely no correlation when there should have been at least a weak but significant one. One thing that really pisses me off is that the reliability checks on one of my measures weeded out 24% of my sample. To put it in perspective, the usual elimination rate is about 11%. This signals that 24% of the people who took the survey were either 1) stupid 2) lazy or 3) both. It just makes me mad that people who were getting course credit for this couldn’t have bothered to actually follow directions and pay attention. I’m hoping that the remaining data is high quality, but I’m not holding my breath. One big relief is that one of the main hypotheses of my study seems to be holding up, but in unexpected ways. The next few weeks will be fun!

In other big news, we are in the process of selling our house. We have a signed purchase agreement, but nothing is certain until the appraisal and the inspection happen. If everything does work, then we will be out of here around the first week of August and we’ll rent a place here until we move off for good next May. It’s hard to leave this house, but if it means that we aren’t frantically trying to offload the house in the midst of packing, changing jobs, and moving to another state, then I’m OK with it.

Plus/Minus May 26, 2009

+ I just found out that I won a $1000 grant to attend the conference this summer. If at least one of my other leads for funding pans out, I will have plenty of money for this trip. I’m breathing a HUGE sigh of relief at this news.

+ Awesome long holiday weekend in NOLA that involved amazing food, great live music, a friend’s wedding, and lots of hanging out. Living there would be so awesome, if both of us could find jobs. When we start our search this fall, I’ll definitely keep an eye on the academic market there.

+ My recovery is pretty much complete. Over the weekend I felt my pain levels decrease dramatically and I was actually able to move and walk around. My follow-up appointment this morning was positive and I’m finally cleared to do whatever the hell I want. I celebrated by taking a hot pomegranate bubble bath.

+ A preliminary look at my data today was promising. There are some interesting findings, some of them unexpected. I should have plenty to talk about at my conference in July, for conferences this academic year, and in my dissertation.

- One of my committee members lost my Ph.D.  candidacy form. If he doesn’t find it, I’ll have to collect all the signatures all over again.

-Our toilet will not stop running, and it’s driving me batshit crazy. I’m usually able to fix it with a few small adjustments, but this time, no dice. Ugh.

-My mother sent me home with a nice wicker chest of drawers. I helped her load it into the car, but now we can’t get it out of the car. I am PISSED. We’ve given up for today, but if we can’t get it out, I don’t know what in the hell I’m going to do.

Hi, I’m Freckles May 25, 2009

They say that the first step to solving any problem is to admit that there IS a problem in the first place. You can’t solve something that isn’t really there, after all. Any sort of substance abuse or addiction program really emphasizes this, through various methods, whether by stating that you have a problem, or by symbolically destroying the problem.

Along those same lines, I’m coming out with my problem: I am teetering toward fatness.

I’m not quite sure what happened. Weight has been somewhat of a struggle for me for at least the past 12 years. In high school I was a solid size 10 or 12, which on a small 5′2″ frame is too much. This was due to the fact that I ate a lot of processed foods, sodas, and a typical Southern diet without the necessary amount of physical activity. I did gradually lose a little bit of weight through my junior year. Then I had major surgery, got really sick, and dropped 20 lbs in a matter of 2 weeks. I don’t ever advise losing that much weight that quickly, deliberately or otherwise. I was suddenly a wispy 100 lbs and wore about a size 2. While it was kind of cool to be that skinny, I was not healthy, and knew it. I gradually added back some weight and stayed around 115-120 all through college.

Grad school came and I still managed to keep the weight down, although a few pounds crept up here and there. I stayed on a relatively healthy diet and worked out regularly, so no big deal, right?  Last year I was running a few days a week and felt really good about my appearance. I was healthy and energetic. Then comps came, the weather got hot, and I started slacking. It’s hard to run when it’s already 90 degrees at 6 in the morning! Then my endometriosis started flaring up big time when I worked out. The Lupron destroyed what little will and energy I had left to exercise. I made a valiant attempt to get back on the workout wagon in December, and that lasted up until my grandmother’s passing, save for the weeks when I had the flu. My life went to hell, I didn’t make the time for exercise, and now I’m paying for it.

In the past 2 months, I’ve probably gained close to 10 lbs. I was already a bit over what I wanted to be, but this has pushed me over the edge. When I see myself in the mirror, I’m disgusted. I don’t like any of my clothes because I know they all reveal my flaws. The thought of going clothes shopping just nauseates me, because I don’t want to have to face what I know to be true: I don’t look good.

So, no more denial. When I go for my follow-up appointment tomorrow, I’m going to ask when I am allowed to start working out again. I’m getting back into my routine, and starting in July, I’m going to see a personal trainer once a week. By the end of the year, I would like to have lost at least 15 lbs, which puts me at losing less than a pound a week. My life recently has been very unhealthy, and I’m paying the price in looking and feeling like hell. I want to turn this around before it’s too late. This morning I measured the circumference of my upper arms, thighs, waist, and hips and wrote down the numbers. They weren’t good, to put it bluntly. I’ll start measuring myself every 2 weeks to track my progress, in addition to weekly weigh ins. If I can muster the courage, I may take pictures of myself to see objectively any changes. My problems is denial, and I have to overcome it.

In addition to all this, I’m going to make a more determined effort to eat healthfully. I’m going to start eating more plants and start avoiding foods that don’t resemble things found in nature. Cutting back on the cheese, bread, and refined carbs will probably also happen, and I know this will be tough, but it has to be done. I’m not going to totally deprive myself, but ultimately weight loss involves burning more calories than one consumes, so I have to decide if that large mound of melted Brie is really worth the hours I’ll need to put in to burn it off. I think if anything this will really enhance the quality of my diet, and this is something I’m looking forward to.

First day back! May 19, 2009

I was bored out of my mind for the first half of today. Then I decided that I had too much to do to be bored, so I got to work on such important things as my symposium paper, getting a few more articles for my diss, and generally figuring out what I’m going to do over the next few weeks. After reading my notes from my defense and looking at some articles, I’m realizing that one of my committee members is (perhaps unwittingly) steering me to the very conclusion I’m arguing against. No me gusta! I’m reading the articles this person mentioned at my proposal defense so that I can say say, “Yes, but…” at my final defense without sounding like an utter moron.

This week and next, I plan on getting my candidacy paperwork finished, writing my symposium paper, and finish up on the last of my funding requests so that I can spend June doing nothing but conference prep and data analysis. My trip is really drawing close and I haven’t yet done anything of substance in preparation. I’m not panicking, but I am ready to crack down and get to work.

Emerging from the abyss May 19, 2009

I woke up this morning feeling well enough to go to work, so in about an hour, I’m heading in. I’ll take it easy on myself (take the elevator instead of the stairs) and hope that my improved state is a true reflection of my recovery. I’m still a bit swollen and tender, but I’ve been up today sans painkillers, so I feel ready to face the world. I hope that either today or tomorrow that I can start data analysis, but if for some reason I can’t, there’s always next week.