While being in a state of perpetual Limbo now for a few years has been rough for me, it has certainly been no picnic for my dear spouse, either. His career has been more or less put on hold for the past 4 years while we figure out what I’ll be doing and where. In talking to other people, I know I am incredibly fortunate to be married to someone who believes in me so much that he’s willing to hitch his wagon to my star in order for me to chase my dreams.
However, the time has come for me to acknowledge that perhaps my star is fading. This is my third full-on academic job search, and yet here I am at Spring Break with no tenure-track prospects for the fall. I realize that, as certain members of my family would say, Rome weren’t built in no day. This is often a long and frustrating process for many people, and for most it does eventually work out. For most, not all. As the line from “The Gambler” says:
You gotta know when to hold ’em
Know when to fold ’em
Know when to walk away
And know when to run
In this case, it is becoming increasingly apparent that I need to fold and walk away. In short, if I don’t have a tenure-track job by the end of the academic year, I’m throwing in the towel. This is a drastic step, and I am sad to come to this decision. It isn’t something I have taken lightly, and I realize that it means I’ve wasted my potential. Next year, the spouse will try to figure out what he wants to do and where, and I’ll follow where he goes. Maybe I can cobble together some classes as an adjunct, or teach at a community college, or maybe even get certified as a classroom teacher and teach K-12. Maybe I could work for the government or doing research for a corporation. I could work as an editor. I have a lot of skills that could be put to good use, even if it isn’t what I’d hoped.
However, I can’t keep doing this to myself (and my rapidly declining health) and to my Spouse. He’s a strong, loving, and sensitive person, but this whole ordeal is damn near about to break him. I can’t do that to him. He deserves far better.
Thank you, blogosphere friends, for all of your support during this process. I honestly would not have persisted so long and so hard without the knowledge that there were people out there who believed in me. I hope to remain in touch with you all no matter what happens over the next few months.
haphazard musings of a recovering academic 
“I realize that it means I’ve wasted my potential.”
No. It doesn’t.
Feels that way. I was trained to become an academic, and so doing anything else seems like failure. Perhaps it’s the wrong way to look at things, but it’s all I’ve really known.
It’s absolutely the wrong way to look at it. You’ll make yourself crazy that way. The way I see it, you’ve trained to think, teach, and write. You can do that. What I’ve found as I’ve moved into secondary ed is that I have a much better sense of what I actually trained to be able to do–skills that transfer. I am much better at my job than I would be without the training I got in my PhD.
I was on the job market for four years, and like you, I had a nice husband who was willing to follow me wherever I ended up. I, like you, nearly gave up. (Maybe the one big difference is that I also have two kids. That makes it harder to stay in the game, because kids are expensive, and that doesn’t allow you to stay an adjunct forever.)
The first year I was on the market, I got no interviews. The second year, I had four MLA interviews — that year the market went bust. I didn’t get any campus visits, and most of the searches were canceled. The third year, I got nothing at MLA, but had some spring phone interviews. Nothing else. The fourth year, no MLA again, but I got a Skype interview in the spring that led to the one and only campus interview I ever had. It went well. Then, they offered the other person the job. Two weeks later, I was told that that person declined the job, and they wondered if I were still interested. That’s how I got the job I have right now. (I’m in my first year, TT.) You never know what the heck is going to happen on the job market. I still feel like I got the job through slight of hand.
All this is to say that persistent people get jobs. But only you can decide how long to be persistent. If your health is suffering, that’s a real problem. Good luck to you. It’s hard out there, and it really hurts your soul.
Thanks for some perspective. You are made of some pretty stern stuff, and it’s encouraging to see that for some people, the market eventually works.
I’ve had at least one campus visit every single year I’ve been on the market.
Year one: One phone interview, one campus visit, one conference interview. (No job)
Year two: Three phone interviews, four campus visits, request for a phone interview after I’d accepted a job. (Got a job as a VAP)
Year three (so far): Four phone interviews, soon to be two campus visits. Will be a VAP again next year if things don’t work out.
One thing that distinguishes my field from something in the humanities is that it’s not typical to be on the market as long as I have been. I don’t know anyone who looked for more than 2 years, and it makes me wonder if there’s something wrong with me. Add that to pressures from a spouse who feels like his life’s been on hold, and it becomes a no-brainer.
A busy time has meant I had not visited your blog for a few weeks. My heart aches for your tough time, but given the crowded field, the reluctance of faculty to retire, the universal budget-crunches at colleges, and your personal situation (spouse, health), it seems a wise decision to cast a wider net and also to step away from the pressure cooker.
I like the comments above, and I agree. Education is never wasted. Never. You have no way of knowing what odd circumstances will pop up in which you will make use of anything and everything you’ve studied and learned. (Think about Steve Jobs and the calligraphy class…) You have some excellent experiences behind you–tough things you grappled with and learned from–on the personal growth scale as well. You would bring a lot to any position (beyond the job description, I mean.)
Do check into the Federal List– you’d be surprised what they’re looking for sometimes. (I once sent a link to our daughter– the FBI was looking for a physicist. She didn’t follow up on that one, but she is, in fact, working in a public service Federal job, and she’ll become a permanent employee this June. She believed she wanted to become an academic, but the truth is her skills and interests are much better matched in research. She’s a Woman In Science, and it’s a win-win.)
Spring is almost here! And we’re pulling for you and standing by to cheer you on to the next chapter.
Thank you for your encouragement. The Federal List may be a good option for both me and the Spouse, as we both have skills that would translate well in government work. We also wouldn’t mind living in DC or some other major metro area.