As with most things I do, I started off with the best of intentions. A couple of weeks ago I noticed our faucet was spitting water moreso than it was allowing the water to flow freely. After asking some of my handy friends, I learned that I needed to clean out the traps under the hot and cold valves. So, I removed the handles from the sink, flushed out the valves, and then attempted to replace everything as it was. Somehow, something got stuck in the wrong position and I was unable to reassemble the valves. Uh-oh. We decided that this was the perfect opportunity for us to replace our faucet and hardware, since it was that hideous late 80’s/early 90’s brass, and it was looking skanky, anyways.

Trip to the Hardware Store #1:
We went to Home Depot and found a nice, simple, classic chrome faucet and handles (American Standard, in case you care). The price was good, and it fit our tastes pretty well. We bought it and took it home.

Upon attempting to remove the existing faucets, I found that my wrench just couldn’t quite make it around the nuts. (It took me 2 days before I could say “get these nuts off” without cracking a smile. I am so bad sometimes!) I did some online sleuthing and figured out that I needed something called a “basin wrench” that looked a lot like those things they make people pick up trash on the side of the road with.

Trip to the Hardware Store (hereafter, TTTHS) #2: So, I went to Lowe’s and bought a basin wrench. It took me about 15 minutes to figure out how the thing worked, and then, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get anything loose. I also dropped the wrench on my face. Good times!  I read some more and found out I could also try some vise grips.

TTTHS #3: I exchanged the basin wrench for some vise grips and some Liquid Wrench, and ran into the dude I sold my car to and talked to him for a while. I came home, and the vise grips were ineffective as well. I gave up for the night, and we brushed our teeth in the kitchen sink. Gross.

The next day, it dawned on me…Why couldn’t I just remove the sink from the countertop, and work on it while sitting on the floor, so I wasn’t getting dripped on and having wrenches come falling down on my face? Scott came home to a sink sitting in the bathroom floor and a very frustrated wife. Whoever did the plumbing work for the previous owners did a piss-poor job, and everything was rusted/corroded AND they’d caulked everything down (totally unnecessary). There was no fucking way I was getting these fixtures off the sink without breaking the sink itself. By this point, it’s Friday afternoon, and I decide to call a plumber. No one can come before Monday, and no one will walk in our door for less than about $70. Um, no. I decided the time has come to buy a new sink.

TTTHS #4: I measured the dimensions of the cut-out and proceeded to Lowe’s to return the vise grips and buy a new sink. We got it home, and discovered that it didn’t fit. D’oh!!!!!

Again, we brushed our teeth in the kitchen sink.

TTTHS #5: I trolled the Lowe’s website to find a sink that would fit in our cut-out, and went back to exchange the sink that didn’t fit. When I got there, they didn’t have the sink I needed in stock, but there was one left at their other store across the river. I got back in my car and drove over there.

TTTHS #6: Finally, a sink that fits (and for less than $40, too)!!!! I also picked up some plumber’s putty for the space between the sink and the counter.

I get home, mount the fixtures into the holes of the new sink, and if I may say so myself, it looks damn good. Now, to put it in the counter, hook up the lines, drains, etc. and get this thing running!  I soon realize that I need some more flexible supply lines, and the drain pipes are all out of line.

TTTHS #7: New flexible J-pipe and new supply lines. I get it all fixed up, and the sink runs!!! Huzzah! I hop in the shower, and go over to my friend Stu’s house to help him and his fianceé paint.

I get home that night, and attempt to replace the shelf under the sink. I knock something out of line, and there’s now a leak in the drain line. I stay up until about 1AM trying to fix it, to no avail. I am seriously about to throw a hissy fit. I brushed my teeth in the shower and went to bed.

I STILL can’t get the chrome pipe from the wall to meet up with the plastic flexible J-pipe from the drain. Some stuff I read indicates you really can’t join up chrome and plastic without a leak. Mmmkay…

TTTHS # 8: I go to Lowe’s and buy a new p-trap made of PVC and install that. Then I go to connect the flexi-line and discover that I’m missing a reducer washer that meets up to the 1 1/4″ pipes. Where the hell did it go?!

TTTHS # 9: New flexible J-pipe with all the required parts. The dude in the plumbing department recognizes me (because I’ve been in there like 3 times in the past 2 days) and asks how the project is going. He’s a sweet old man, so I refrain from roundhouse kicking him in the head. I smile and say, “It’s going!”

At around 4:30, the damn thing is finished. FINISHED. My sink runs. It drains. It…it….works!!!! Scott takes me to Surin for sushi to celebrate.

I am never, ever, ever doing that again. Ever. You couldn’t pay me enough to do that.

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