I keep telling myself it’ll all be ok. That I’m going to make it. But from where I am, I’m not quite seeing it that way. I have three papers to write, two of which are due next fucking week. I have a third that’s due the next week, which is exam week. I have a report to prepare on my paper that’s due in Symphonic Shit. Work is still kicking my ass…too much stuff to deal with at once, like the computers all going down simultaneously. I can’t wait for exam week because that will knock out two schools and all my finals. The week after is two more schools, then the third week in May is the final recital I have to take care of. There’s a small part of me that just wants to email my boss and say “I am not teaching for you next year, you can go get the hell on, you AND your mama…” I just don’t think that my paycheck (not too great) makes up for the time, effort, gas money and wear and tear on my car. I could just drop down to 6 hours take on a full time job and maybe take a little longer to finish grad school. I certainly have no freaking money now. My balance stands at -$4.91. And it’s not even close to pay day yet. And I still have to drive to Demopolis and to Montgomery before I get paid. Forget about the Jump show. Just not happening. I am sad about that, but sometimes life isn’t always how you want it to be. Honestly, if it weren’t for Scott I would have probably already starved by now. It’s a humiliating thought. I bust my ass and yet don’t have the money to take care of my basic needs. I pay my bills and buy a bit of food, and the rest goes to gas. I usually don’t have enough to buy things like soap/shampoo or groceries of any substantial type.
I have a headache…

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