The good, the bad, and the…well, good. November 7, 2009

So, bad news first: I received my first job search-related rejection. I’d applied for a postdoc at a really prestigious school that was a close but not exact fit for my skill set. I received an e-mail from the search head yesterday saying that my credentials were strong, but my skill set wasn’t as good of a match for the job as other candidates’. Fair enough. One down, 29 to go.

The good news: Both of my submissions got accepted for Huge National Conference in late April. Better yet, both were accepted as paper sessions, rather than poster or roundtable sessions. This in a year when they were trying to make things more inclusive which necessitated making the paper sessions far more competitive, and I got not just one, but two! The paper I submitted based on my dissertation research got a particularly amazing review. Some quotes:

Classical in tone, definitive in style, and analytical in content, this good paper raises more questions than it answers and that is good.

This proposal also speaks to the program’s theme and reveals a high quality of writing and organization. The paper’s objectives, theoretical framework, methods of inquiry, data sources, and results are all scientific and scholarly. This is a significant piece of work that deserves presentation.

It’s hard not to have a great day after reading those kinds of reactions to your work. As one of my friends said, “That sounds like a testimonial from a book’s dust jacket!” It’s just the boost I need to get my revisions done and to start working on some stuff to submit to other conferences and journals. It’s also a few more lines on my vita when I can certainly use all the help I can get to sell myself as a serious scholar who does work that other people care about.

Pushing through November 5, 2009

I’m wrapping up week 2 of being sick, with a moderate amount of improvement. The Cipro has done weird things to mah belly, and I still have an insane amount of postnasal drip, which makes for unpleasant mornings. Using the sinus rinse has helped a bit, although sometimes I feel like I can’t get the solution all the way through. A blockage or some swelling, perhaps? I had some structural issues w/ my sinuses a decade ago (enlarged turbinates and an obstructed ostium) but I think that it was all permenantly fixed with my surgery.

I’ve found another couple of jobs, one of which excites me to no end given its location. I’ve got another 5 or so applications that I’m sending out this week and weekend, and then I’ll knock out the remainder over Thanksgiving break. Between that, writing up 2 finals, working on some articles and conference presentations, wrapping up my dissertation revisions (more on that in a sec) and prepping for my Asian excursion, methinks I’ll be a tad overwhelmed!

I received my advisor’s comments on my first draft and they were overall very positive. The changes he suggested shouldn’t take more than a couple of days to implement, and then I’m shooting it back his way mid-week for him to have at least one more chance to suggest changes before I send it to committee. My plan now is to send it to them around Thanksgiving, with a request for a list of potential days and times in late January that work for them. Then upon return from the holidays, I’ll e-mail them individually to ask about any particular issues that they want me to address pre-defense, so that the whole defense runs smoothly. One of my committee members thought it was a great idea and expressed appreciation that I was giving them plenty of time to read and think it over. If anything, I need to keep them happy!

Today, despite my ickiness, I taught 2 really good classes. The material covered in the 2nd half of the semester is much more my speed, and I think that translates into more exciting classes. Of course, there’s also the fact that I have more experience than I did at the beginning, and there’s something to be said for that. I feel so much more comfortable in the classroom, and even though I don’t want to have a teaching-intensive (as opposed to research-intensive) job, I really don’t mind that aspect so much. I’m really looking forward to next semester when I’m teaching material that I’ve covered before and I have a whole semester (3 classes) of experience under my belt!

I think I can hack it October 28, 2009

I’m still hacking like a smoker. How did I teach my class today? I have no idea. I let them go about 10 minutes early because my voice (what was left of it) was totally shot. After class, I went straight home and applied VapoRub and a hot compress to my chest to loosen all the gooey bits. Three cheers for Mucinex!

On the job front, I have 25 jobs on my list, and I’ve applied for 11 of them so far. That figure will bump up to 12 by the end of the week. Once I hear back from Huge National Conference about all 3 of my proposed papers, I’ll apply for the jobs that have mid-November and December deadlines. I’m hoping to have all of my apps out for the jobs I currently know about by Thanksgiving. In applying for job #11 (a “safety” if there ever was one…), I found it to be the least clear and most complicated of all of the jobs I’ve applied for yet. It was enough to make me throw up my hands in defeat, but I’m hardly in a position to be turning down opportunities. This job is better than being unemployed, but not by much. I have to wonder about a place that makes you submit copies of your transcripts for a tenure-track position. Trust issues, much?

Three more classes to teach, and then a weekend to recover and write. It really can’t come fast enough!

When life gets you down, try prescription strength Damitol! October 26, 2009

Things were going fine for a while, but now I’m just over this semester. Students who couldn’t be bothered to come to class (or to participate when they did) are suddenly ultra-concerned about their grade, and blame their failures on me. Nice try, dear, but when I know I said something in class on three separate occasions, it’s hard for you to argue that I “never told” you when the assignments were due. A few have claimed I never told them my office hours. Never mind that they’re right on the syllabus and I make references to them liberally in class. RTFS, kids! I still have a ton of essays to grade, but like hell I’m getting anywhere near a grade book when I feel like this.

This is all coming down on me when I have a few important job apps to get out by the end of the week, not to mention a vicious cold/upper respiratory infection that’s had me laid up since last night. I felt sort of hoarse and sore on Thursday and Friday, but by Saturday night, I knew I had a full-blown illness. Now my asthma’s flaring up and it’s hard for me to breathe, so I’m off to the clinic in a few for a breathing treatment and perhaps a steroid shot to scare off any inflammation so that I can just start my week already.

I could use a drink, but I think mixing alcohol with Tylenol Cold is a bad idea, or so they say.

*ahem* October 19, 2009

My self-imposed blogging embargo has ended! (And the crowd goes mild.)

The first bit of good news is that I turned in my first full draft of all 5 chapters on Friday. I’ve been working steadily for the past few months, but it took an 11th-hour near-all-nighter to get the damn thing done. I stayed up ’til 3, woke up at 7:30, taught at 11, and tweaked a few things before turning it in around 2:30 that afternoon. My advisor promised a 1-week turnaround, and then I’ll have it for another week or so for a round of revisions, lather, rinse, repeat. I’m kind of hoping to have everything nailed down and ready to send out around Thanksgiving, so that I can leave my committee w/ a full draft before the end of the semester (and over 6 weeks in which to read and review the whole document). I’ve often scoffed at people who frantically pull together shoddy work to meet a deadline and then give their committee something that barely qualifies as a draft a week before the defense. I want my committee to have plenty of time in which to read it, develop thoughtful questions, and come prepared to make me actually defend my work. I respect the folks on my committee far too much to force them to read some haphazard drivel and then make them sit through a weak and chaotic defense.

Another piece of good news is that an article I sent off for publication a couple of months ago has been accepted for publication. I’m really thinking that I should try to write up the results from the paper I did at a conference back in April to see if I could get perhaps one more pub on my vita before I start interviewing. It would be a stretch, but it may be worth a try! My hope is that with at least one pub and a few refereed conference presentations, my vita will stand out among a stack of others gunning for so few jobs in a tough economy.

The job hunt is also really revving up. I’m finding a few more jobs here and there, and so it looks like that when it’s all said and done, I’ll be applying for roughly 20 jobs. If only one quarter of them have any interest in me, I’ll be thrilled. My goal is to have all of my applications submitted by the time we leave for Thailand so that I can come home with a clear docket (and maybe a few interviews) for the spring semester.

Duck and cover October 2, 2009

So, I’m going into virtual hiding for a few weeks. No blogging, no Gchat (horrors!!), and…wait for it…no Facebook. I feel like I’m at the point where I’ve got so much work to do that these activities can’t possibly contribute to my productivity. Besides, I need some excuses to stop staring at illuminated rectangles every now and then.

In addition, I’m curtailing my “real” social life, if you can even call it that. I figure those who know me and understand my predicament will be cool about it and those who don’t obviously don’t deserve my time. I’ve got a couple of family obligations and a few pre-planned friend obligations, but I’m not committing to anything beyond that.

Why, you ask? (All 4 of you!) In the next 2-3 weeks, I need to accomplish the following:

• Grade midterm exams for 3 sections, about 100 students total
• Grade essays for students who don’t meet the cutoff grade for the exam
• Finish writing my first draft (I probably have about another 15 pages to go)
• Get out the majority of my job application packets
• Work on a conference proposal to send out by the end of the month
• Get cracking on laying the groundwork for a study I’d like to start by the end of next month

I feel like my progress is being hindered by the insane number of distractions in my life, and so I’m taking a proactive approach to eliminating them. It may be extreme, but a lot of these tasks have very serious and direct implications for my (and my spouse’s) future. I owe it to both of us to get my shit done.

You must do the thing you think you cannot do August 4, 2009

Well, kids, the time has come.

I’m beginning the official job search.

*pause, deep breath, shudder, continue*

It’s an incredibly exciting prospect (“I get to, like, teach people and do research, and get paid above the federal poverty level to do so!”), but also one that terrifies the everlasting hell out of me.

It’s no secret that our economy is rather in the latrine at the moment, and that state-funded schools are being hit pretty hard with furloughs, hiring freezes, and the whole bit. Private schools haven’t fared much better, though some are surviving, but that’s not what bothers me most. No, my biggest worry is that ultimately, after all my years of education and all of my blood, sweat, and tears, that I will find out that I’m a complete idiot unworthy of anything more rewarding than, “Do you want fries with that?” My internal monologue consists of the following:

Why would anyone want to hire me? First, I’m not really all that smart. Sure, I did well in high school, performed pretty well in college despite my slacking and periods of quasi-adolescent instability, and I have grown as a scholar in grad school, but if you asked my friends to describe me, “smart” would probably not top their list. I’ve done A LOT of dumb things that still make me cringe weeks/months/years later.

OR

Why in the hell would any university worth its salt want some 28-year-old woman from Alabama who says things like “might could” and “y’all” to impart wisdom and guidance to this generation’s best and brightest? Given the choice between some Harvard/Michigan/Wisconsin/etc. grad and me, there’s absolutely no question who they would (and should) pick.

OR (my favorite)

This has all been a gigantic and elaborate ruse. I am indeed so stupid and clueless that all of my professors and my advisor have taken pity on me and just want me done and out the door. They probably lose sleep at night knowing that I will be traipsing the Earth with a Ph.D. from their employer, and that they were complicit in this crime.

I obviously have issues.

Ain’t nothin’ but a number March 8, 2009

All in all, the research and thesis conference presentation went well. On Friday I told my advisor that I was glad he told me to do it, and I meant it then, but I really believed it after I finished my presentation. The good: People asked really good questions, the faculty respondents said that I obviously was very knowledgable in my field, and I got a lot of compliments on my body language and eye contact. The bad: I went about 30 seconds over the allotted time, which meant I had a few points deducted from my evaluation. The ugly: I need to stop talking like I’m 20 years old. Needless to say, I was a bit nervous during my presentation, and I unknowingly slipped into a few vocal tics (“you know”), which made me sound young in a bad way. I’m now working very hard to eliminate those sorts of things from my speech so that I won’t slip into those habits during a moment of nervousness (as in a job talk). I couldn’t help but be nervous, since I was presenting in front of not only my advisor, but also the spouse, who was kind enough to come watch me instead of staying home to watch a basketball game on TV. Despite everything, I’m proud of myself.

However, I’m really struggling with this whole idea of appearance. I look very, very young for my age, and I’m already intending to enter the academic job market a good 3-5 years earlier than most people do. While we’d all like to think that job candidates are judged only on their scholarship and individual merits, it’s no secret that academics are just as shallow as anyone else in making personnel decisions. Attractive people get jobs more often than plain-looking people. Both older and younger candidates are judged as “too stodgy” or “too flaky” (respectively), which means basically anyone younger than 30 or older than 50 is kind of screwed. Even if I waltz in to a job talk with a kick-ass resume and a god-like job talk, more than a few people will likely question my abilities simply because I’m barely 5′2″ and baby-faced. Recently, we had a candidate come in for an interview who is exactly my age. Her talk was great, and she seemed to be a good fit for the department. But then I heard some faculty members say, “Oh, she makes me feel old.” Ultimately, she did not get the job, and we hired a slightly older (but equally qualified) candidate. Things like this worry me, but I really have no idea how to get around this. I can’t change who I am or make up for the fact that I’m a relatively inexperienced person, but I don’t think that it makes me any less qualified or able. I have to console myself with the thought that a department that would dismiss me based on appearances is not a place I want to work, but in this economy, it makes me nervous.

I’m a loser, baby… March 4, 2008

I received an e-mail today about a job talk in my department later this week. The content seemed vaguely interesting, and it was for an assistant prof position, which is what I’ll likely be interviewing for in the future (and not-so-distant future, at that).

In this age of digital voyeurism, I Googled her name.

Y’all, she’s exactly a year older than me. To the day. A year. Not five years, one. Year. And she defended last June. Oh, and she ran collegiate track as a grad student. Color me underachiever.

Like a cucumber April 5, 2006

I finally, after much procrastination, got my air conditioner fixed. I went through one summer sweating bullets in my car and I had no intention of enduring another. It ended up costing a whole lot less than I had anticipated. Then I got a call from my supervisor that my meeting w/ her at 11:30 had been canceled. (This is me being surprised…)

I got a call from an admin person in the College of Education….I got the job!!!! Not only that, but they negotiated a slightly higher salary for me, they’ll be flexible w/ my schedule until my contract is up and I have a chance for a raise and promotion in the next few months or so. I am very, very happy. I called Scott but he’s ass-deep in moot court rounds now w/ his students, so I just left him a vague “Hey, baby, call me as soon as you get a chance, ok?” message. I then called my mom, who was very, very happy for me. I should call my dad next, because in the next few weeks he’ll get to take me off his insurance. It’ll be so strange having my own insurance and stuff. Yet another step in becoming a “big girl,” so to speak. So I’m pretty freaking giddy right now. I did call to cancel my 2:00 interview w/ the law firm in town, because I anticipate that their benefits package won’t be able to touch the University’s, and I doubt they’ll pay for most of my tuition, either. All in all, it seems to me to be a very good arrangement for me.