Forgive me Internetz, for I have sinned. It has been 12 days since my last blog post. August 20, 2009

Holy crap have I been busy! There’s been a lot going on, but frankly, I’ve been too brain-dead to string together a coherent post.

I taught my first class today, huzzah! Things went well, and I managed to come across as reasonably intelligent and trustworthy. Always good. At the 11th hour, I found out that I’m also going to be teaching another class two days a week to help accommodate some bureaucratic weirdness, and get paid extra, to boot. Apparently, my department is stretched pretty thin and they need all the help they can get. I am, of course, more than happy to help, especially if it means extra money and more experience in time for the job hunt.

Speaking of which, things seem to be looking up in that area. I’ve seen more postings come rolling in from some pretty amazing schools, most of which will likely have no interest in hiring me. Still, I’ll apply and let them be the ones to tell me that I don’t have what it takes. I’ve managed to craft an excellent CV, draft a decent cover letter, line up references, and all I have left is to compile teaching and research statements that are supposed to be separate from the cover letter. I should be able to start applying for jobs next week, or the next.

Things with the sale of our house seem to finally be moving forward, so we’ll be moving this weekend and early next week. That should make for some stressful times! I will really need to adopt the ethic of “make hay while the sun shines” if I want to have a prayer of staying afloat, much less ahead. A few days of laziness may well cost me weeks of headache and disorder. My goal for the semester is to always stay 2 weeks ahead, but knowing me, even if I prepare ahead, I’ll still be putting final tweaks on it up until the bitter end.

I’ve also done a ton of revisions on my proposal to make it a more coherent part of a five chapter dissertation and to polish up the writing in general. I’ve totally finished Chapter 1 and have very little left on both Chapters 1 and 3. I have a good feeling that I should be done by the end of next week so that I can begin the month of September with a solid foundation for the rest of my diss. My chair and I decided to postpone any plans for defending it until early spring, which means that I will have plenty of time to devote to writing and editing before the big day. It will be nice to be able to take my time, for once, and I hope that it shows up in the quality of my writing.

Sometimes I think about where I am and how far I’ve come, and my mind is completely blown.

And in other news August 9, 2009

A little bird told me that my last post seemed like one big pity party. I apologize. I’ve been pretty down about things in general right now, and it’s hard to summon my usual ebuillence. After a long conversation with the spouse and another one with my advisor, I feel cautiously optimistic. It’s actually a really exciting stage of my life, and I should be enjoying it far more than I have.

I’ve been tracking my measurements over the course of the summer, and I’m happy…no, overjoyed to announce that I’ve lost a whole 2.5 inches off my waist and 1.25 inches from my hips. I haven’t weighed myself in a good while, but I can only assume that I’ve lost some weight. I may drop by the gym today to do some weight training and I’ll hop on the scale then. I try not to use weight as a barometer of my overall health or fitness progress, but in conjunction with other measures, it will tell me more about how well I’ve been doing to be healthy and slimmer. My energy levels have certainly increased, and I’ve found that my running pace has increased dramatically (from about an 11 min mile to about a 9 or 9.5 minute mile). Now that the summer is over, I’m going to start building mileage to my long runs, starting next weekend. By the end of next month, I’ll be up to around 10 miles per run. By Halloween, I’ll have 15, and by the end of the year, I’ll be up to 26 miles!

These next few weeks will be frantic, what with the beginning of the semester, the job search, and of course, the dissertation. My life is about to become one huge transition, but I welcome the challenge enthusiastically.

You must do the thing you think you cannot do August 4, 2009

Well, kids, the time has come.

I’m beginning the official job search.

*pause, deep breath, shudder, continue*

It’s an incredibly exciting prospect (“I get to, like, teach people and do research, and get paid above the federal poverty level to do so!”), but also one that terrifies the everlasting hell out of me.

It’s no secret that our economy is rather in the latrine at the moment, and that state-funded schools are being hit pretty hard with furloughs, hiring freezes, and the whole bit. Private schools haven’t fared much better, though some are surviving, but that’s not what bothers me most. No, my biggest worry is that ultimately, after all my years of education and all of my blood, sweat, and tears, that I will find out that I’m a complete idiot unworthy of anything more rewarding than, “Do you want fries with that?” My internal monologue consists of the following:

Why would anyone want to hire me? First, I’m not really all that smart. Sure, I did well in high school, performed pretty well in college despite my slacking and periods of quasi-adolescent instability, and I have grown as a scholar in grad school, but if you asked my friends to describe me, “smart” would probably not top their list. I’ve done A LOT of dumb things that still make me cringe weeks/months/years later.

OR

Why in the hell would any university worth its salt want some 28-year-old woman from Alabama who says things like “might could” and “y’all” to impart wisdom and guidance to this generation’s best and brightest? Given the choice between some Harvard/Michigan/Wisconsin/etc. grad and me, there’s absolutely no question who they would (and should) pick.

OR (my favorite)

This has all been a gigantic and elaborate ruse. I am indeed so stupid and clueless that all of my professors and my advisor have taken pity on me and just want me done and out the door. They probably lose sleep at night knowing that I will be traipsing the Earth with a Ph.D. from their employer, and that they were complicit in this crime.

I obviously have issues.