A perfect storm January 31, 2009

Y hallo thar…. /lolcatspeak. I haven’t really been blogging too regularly lately, but you can hardly blame me.

This is where shit gets intense, y’all. I have 3 chapters due by (my self-imposed deadline of) February 19. I have written a whopping 4 pages. On Chapter One, no less. Chapters One and Three shouldn’t be too bad, but Chapter Two should be a nightmare. And I haven’t even started on it. That alone is enough to make a sister want to hit the sauce.

Then there’s the whole “my work situation sucks donkey nuts for quarters” situation. My work day Wednesday ended with me calling up the spouse and spewing forth a stream of obscenities that would offend even the most grizzled sailor. I think I even surprised myself, reflecting on it later. Any twinges of guilt I felt for leaving this job at the end of the semester have long since been snuffed out. For the next 105 days, I will be gritting my teeth until it passes for a smile. And then I will leave a wiser and more cynical person. No job is perfect, but this job just plain sucks.

There’s also something going on in my family that I am currently not at liberty to discuss, but I will say that it has been devastating for me. I nearly broke down during a meeting with my advisor (great form!) yesterday when I told him what was going on. Unfortunately, it was the first time I said what was happening, and that was a powerful moment for me. A bit too powerful, as it turns out. I spent most of Thursday either nearly in tears or locked in the bathroom sobbing.

On Wednesday, I laughingly said, “I don’t see how tomorrow could get any worse.” I don’t dare ask what comes next. Chances are that I just might find out.

Rapidly place head on desk, repeat as needed January 21, 2009

In order to start things off on a positive note, I will admit to having finished my Netherlands conference proposal today. I sent it off to my advisor, and he’ll probably suggest some edits next week when we meet, but the worst is behind me. Nothing like dropping a few hundred bucks on a flight to motivate you to get something done!

Now, I will gripe.

1. It’s really cold here. I wouldn’t mind having a streak of cold weather if it didn’t mean that in 5 months I’d be enduring weeks of 90+ temperatures with a generous helping of hair-curling humidity.

2. My boss is really getting on my nerves. I’m tired of not being trusted. I’m tired of picking up the pieces after someone else drops the ball. I’m really fucking tired of attending 2 hour meetings that should really only last about 20 minutes. I despise inefficiency, and I don’t appreciate having my time wasted. I console myself with the thought that I will no longer be putting up with this shit in a few months. Otherwise I would have to kill somebody.

3. My face is breaking out again, and it appears that my hair is falling out. Hawt.

J’y suis jamais allé January 19, 2009

How funny is it that within 12 hours of my post about trying to find a flight to the Netherlands, I find a flight for literally half of what I’d been finding for the past month? I’d been looking just about every day, and I wasn’t finding anything less than $1305. When you consider that lodging and food will be around $500, and the registration fee is over $300, I was feeling a wee bit panicky. $2100 for a conference trip?! Even with some funding assistance, we’d still have to cough up well over $1000 to make this happen. While not impossible, it wouldn’t be pleasant. At times I wondered if it was even worth it, and it caused a bit of tension in my household.

Last night, on a whim, I checked the flights from Birmingham to Amsterdam and I saw $645. I did a double take. It couldn’t be…could it? I said, “Hey, [Spouse], I’m finding flights for $645!!” He yelled, “BOOK IT!!!” And so I did, all the while doing a little happy dance. With that price, I can spend a couple of days in Paris and Amsterdam after the conference and still spend less than I’d planned. I’m guessing that I will do the whole trip for around $1500-1600. I should be able to get grants to pay for half of it, so between now and then I have to come up with about $700.

The downside is that I’m going alone, because my better half has to attend the wedding of a dear friend in Santa Fe the weekend after I leave. Even still, I’m super excited about finally seeing Paris, a city I’ve wanted to visit since I was 4. I’m hoping to find some accommodations in Monmartre and spend a day or two taking in a few sights (the Eiffel Tower, obviously, and probably Sacre Coeur and Notre Dame). I also look forward to spending time in Amsterdam to see the Anne Frank house, the Van Gogh museum, biking around town, riding on the canals, and maybe visiting a coffee shop.

Hopefully the excitement of all this trip will offer will help me forget the anxiety I will inevitably feel about presenting at the conference. This will certainly be a life-changing experience in so many ways.

The residue of design January 17, 2009

Things really seem to be falling into place for me lately. Normally, I would just chalk it up to good luck, but then again, luck favors the prepared, darling. I’ve really worked my ass off for the last few years in order to get to where I am (and where I’m going), and it’s nice to see some progress. One of the profs in my department edits a journal and needs a a few more articles to round out an issue coming out later this year. He asked my advisor if he knew of anyone working on something that could go in the journal, and he mentioned something that I’m working on for a conference in April. So now I’m killing two bird with one stone by writing one paper that will serve as both a pub (never a bad thing) and a conference paper.

The Netherlands thing is definitely a go. Now I really have the impetus I need to finish up that proposal this week and submit it by the end of the month. I may use the same proposal for my graduate school’s research and thesis conference, just so I can get a dry run on it before taking it on the road. I’m also struggling to find a flight that isn’t going to break the bank. Flying to Europe in the summer is hella expensive!

This year should be good for me. If I do everything right, I’ll have two conference presentations (one international), at least one publication, and a completed dissertation by the end of the year. Incredible.

When it rains, it pours January 13, 2009

No, I’m not talking about the weather here, although last week’s rains were nothing short of insane. I really wondered if it was ever going to stop raining. The river (that runs not half a mile from my house) was over 10 ft above flood stage, and most grassy areas were nothing but muck and water. My rain boots definitely got some good use last week!

Anycrap, it seems as if each day brings something else that I’m going to have to complete by x date, and it’s really starting to freak me out. I’m doing my best to impose structure and order in my life so that I don’t fall off the wagon. The first order of business was to schedule times during the week where I will do nothing but write. The idea is for me to put in somewhere in the neighborhood of 15-20 hours per week reading and writing, which I think should be plenty of time to accomplish all of what I need to do by the respective deadlines.

I’ve also scheduled 5 workouts a week, in order to keep myself on track to better health and fitness. I’ve gone to the gym 3 days in a row now, and 4 days in the past week. I plan on taking tomorrow off and then going Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. My schedule from now on will likely be Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, with one of those days being optional if my week is busy. It might be a good idea to bring in some articles to read while I’m on the elliptical in order to knock out two objectives simultaneously. Yesterday I did 50 minutes at an 11 minute mile pace, and today I took it a little easier (35 minutes at a 13 minute pace) so that I could do more strength training. If I keep this up, I should see some results in a few weeks, and by the time summer rolls around, I should look pretty damn good.

My conference proposal is about half-written, and I have a good outline for my diss proposal. This weekend I will definitely be putting in some serious hours so that I can complete the conference proposal and have at least 5 pages written on my diss proposal. I’d love to have 10 pages written by this time next week, but we’ll see how this weekend pans out. By the end of the month, I’d ideally like to have 25 pages written, putting me well over halfway through. My overview chapter shouldn’t be hard to write (10-15 pages, max) because most of it will come from my prospectus. The methodology chapter also should come fairly easily since all I’ll really need to do is expand on my methods section of my prospectus, yielding about 10-15 pages. The tough part will be the literature review, since I have to include not only what I’ve already been reading, but also new literature based on the suggestions of my committee. I’m guessing this section could be anywhere from 25-40 pages, hopefully closer to the low end of that range.

On the bright side, once I get this done, my dissertation is half written!

Moving on up January 9, 2009

First things first: It looks like I have a 98% chance of going to that conference in the Netherlands this summer! My advisor is putting me in a symposium that he’s putting together with another professor from another institution, so as long as I get the proposal written by the end of this month (which I no doubt will), I’m going! Needless to say, I’m incredibly psyched and excited about what this could do for my job prospects.

The semester has started up, and so far things have been ok, despite the fact that I’m still working towards being 100% healthy. I actually had some work to do for my lab gig yesterday (my first day back in the office), which was kind of refreshing. I got some reading done this morning, had a nice meeting with my advisor, and printed up some more articles to read over the next few days. This semester I need to accomplish/do the following:

1. Write up proposal for the Netherlands conference (by the end of the month).
2. Have a first draft of my dissertation proposal written by mid-February. This is going to be tough.
3. Write up my paper for THE big conference this spring (due by mid-March).
4. Successfully defend my proposal by the end of the semester.

The fact that I’m not taking a class helps tremendously. My proposal will need to be somewhere in the 45-60 page range, so I have a lot to do between now and the middle of next month. I may take my friend Stu’s advice and just work a set amount of time (probably 2 hours) a day, every day. No more, no less. That will keep me on a consistent work pattern without making me burn out. It will be nice to get 3 out of 5 chapters done before summer begins and before I have surgery (to fix the OHW). Once I recover, I can get to the down and dirty work of analysis and writing up my conclusions, et voilà! Un dissertation!

This week has been an interesting experience in dog-sitting. Brubeck’s best friend is staying with us while his mom attends a conference in San Diego (lucky duck!) and it’s been a barrel of monkeys. Dogs’ personalities never fail to fascinate or amuse me, particularly when they differ so drastically as they do between these two. The cat, however, is less than thrilled.

Bringing sexy back (or something like that) January 7, 2009

Due to the OHW, my fitness ambitions got derailed in a big way. Now that it’s no longer causing me immense pain and suffering, I feel like I can get back on track. Before the holiday break (and the subsequent Plague ‘09), I was going to the gym a few times a week, and was beginning to feel pretty good. My appetite was healthy, I had energy, I was able to focus, and I slept like a baby (sans the poopy diaper). Once I get better, I want to hop back on the wagon.

My plans are as follows:

• 45-60 minutes on the elliptical at least 3x/week (probably Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and/or Friday)
• Following the One Hundred Pushups program
• Following the Two Hundred Sit-Ups program
• Yoga once a week, whether in a class or just at home

I figure with this, I will burn a substantial amount of calories and also build up my strength and muscle mass, which will help with my overall metabolism and appearance. Needless to say, there will also be some dietary alterations involved, but I’m not taking any extreme or sudden measures. This year, I’d really like to lose about 10 lbs or get my body fat percentage down to around 20%, whichever makes the most sense for me. To be honest, this is less about vanity (although that certainly plays a role) and more about what carrying around a few extra pounds does to my health. Right now, it’s not a big deal. I’m well within the normal range for my age, gender, and height, but down the road these few extra pounds will multiply and could cause serious problems. Diabetes and heart disease run rampant through my family, and being overweight will only compound my chances.

Hopefully being fit will also translate into more energy and focus in my academic life. This year is really the year I need to kickstart my career, and some extra productivity could really come in handy!

Crying uncle January 6, 2009

I went to the doctor this morning after waking up with one of the most splitting headaches I’ve had in a very long time. After a brief rundown of my symptoms, the doctor said that I had a sinus infection that must have piggybacked off of my flu.

Now I have a veritable arsenal of drugs that will annihilate whatever ickies still live in me. I already feel just a bit better, and I’m hoping that by the end of the week I’ll be back to normal, and that by the end of the weekend I’m back in the gym.

I also need to meet with my advisor to go over the million things that I need to do this month in order to get my conference proposals written up. Hard to believe, but I’m pretty psyched to get back to work after nearly a month off.

I shall overcome January 5, 2009

Still sick. My flu has subsided, only to make room for bronchitis. Lovely. As an asthmatic, I get kind of freaked out when I have a cough that I can’t kick, particularly when it’s a productive (ewww) cough. Things can get really ugly, really quickly. The semester doesn’t officially begin until Wednesday, so as long as I’m at about 75% capacity, I should be fine to go to work.

I’m starting to go a little crazy not being productive, but as sick and tired as I feel, I know I can’t really get anything done or read. It was nice to have a couple days of sloth, but now I would love to be productive and intellectual. Instead I’m woozy and drugged. And it’s getting old.

*cough*