Distractions, I’ve had a few July 23, 2008

Well, the One Month Countdown officially started last Friday (while I was down at the beach, no less). I’m not worried…really, I’m not. I do realize that I have a shitload of work ahead of me, and that causes at least some unease. To recap:

Question 1, Part 1: DONE

Question 1, Part 2: Not done (more on that later)

Question 2: DONE

Question 3: Have sources, but haven’t written anything besides an outline. Need to re-read a few things before I start.

So, I was going to write the second half of the first question on epistemology in educational psychology, but the more I wrote, and the more I read, I realized that I was being pulled in another direction and couldn’t do a damn thing about it. So, I’ve switched over to schema theory, and I had to read some more stuff, check out a couple of books, and start all over on that section. I wasn’t too happy about it, but ultimately I’ll benefit.

In the meantime, we had a trip to the beach scheduled. We left Thursday morning and called our friends about 2 hours into the trip to find out when they planned on arriving and all my friend could say was, “Oh. My. God. The reservation is for tomorrow.” Sure enough, their e-mail to us said “18th-21st” but somehow I/we managed to mix it up. In the end, we just stayed an extra night and I’m glad we did, even if I wasn’t productive. I got maybe half a page written, but I did some quality reading, so it wasn’t a total wash. Still, I can’t believe I screwed the pooch on that one. This is my brain on comps.

My final project for my Eval class is also due very soon (next Wednesday, the 30th) and so this weekend will be spent writing that up. I don’t anticipate it taking more than a couple of hours, and I hope I’m right about that.

I’m currently trying to read something for fun to break up the monotony of working, since I’ve been working on comps in my office (I’m expected to be there, so why not?) and sometimes it just gets to you. A friend in Chicago recommended On The Beach by Nevil Shute, and so far it’s pretty amazing. The basic premise of the book is that a nuclear bomb detonated in the Northern Hemisphere, and slowly the radiation cloud is making its way southward, killing all life as it moves. The people in the book all live somewhere in South Australia and they’re just biding their time and living their day-to-day lives whilst waiting to be annihilated about a year from where the book picks up. It sounds depressing, but it’s a good read. Maybe it comes from growing up during the tail end of the Cold War, but I love a good post-apocalyptic novel. (Also recommended: Cormac McCarthy’s The Road.)

Blog postings may be sporadic, if at all, during these next few weeks. Whenever I finish (God willin’ and the crick don’t rise), I’ll post a recap of my experiences and some advice for people who hope to take comp exams in the future. I realize fields differ tremendously, so YMMV.

Something I’ve really been enjoying recently July 10, 2008

My apologies to those of you who have probably seen this video 8 trillion times, but I can’t stop watching this video. And crying. I am so, so lame. Somewhere around the time I see Plaza Mayor in Madrid, I tear up. The scene where he gets knocked over in Tonga does not help, nor does his beautifully coordinated Bollywood-esque dance in India.

And before you think I’ve completely lost it, I’m not the only one who cries at the mere viewing of a video.

Work is love made visible. July 8, 2008

As hard as this whole process has been (grad school, not just comps), I have to say that I know I am already a better person for it, and things will only get better with time. Too often we humans get too wrapped up in ourselves and our own bullshit hangups that we forget to see life for what it is: a test, foremost, and a constant opportunity for self-improvement. It doesn’t seem productive or smart to worry only about the difficulties something will present, how much time it will take, how much money it will cost, etc. We (and by this I mean “I”) should worry more about the end result and how much self-improvement a particular opportunity will generate. If a given opportunity won’t benefit you or somebody else in some meaningful way, it’s probably not worth doing, and it’s certainly not worth any significant emotional investment.

I read a post the other day on The Simple Dollar that really struck me in a way that I needed to be struck. Too often in this stage of life, people get their knickers in a twist over a job, when really they need to be looking long term and focus on their careers. It’s never to early to plan ahead, as they say, and I wonder if I’ve been looking at things all wrong. I occasionally…ok, frequently…complain about my job to anyone who will listen, mostly due to the fact that I don’t do a whole lot. I know it seems crazy, but being stuck at work with nothing meaningful to do is harder than it sounds. Most of this lack of activity is not my fault, which makes it all the more frustrating. I resent the fact that I’m expected to be here 20 or so hours a week, and more often than not, I’m here only to say that I showed up for work for the required amount of time.

However, I have failed to see how this job is good for me in the long term and, to an extent, in the short term. Long term, I’ll have more practice with research designs, techniques, and implementation. All of this face-to-face contact with students will help me be a better teacher and adviser if I go the academic route. If I take the research and assessment path, this sort of gig looks good on a resume, and I’ve been afforded a bounty of opportunity to learn and use new software that a lot of people don’t even know about. I’m on campus in my office five days a week, which really helps me see the ins and outs of daily life as an academic.

Short term, I have a relatively quiet place to work towards accomplishing my short term goals, like writing comps. My adviser’s office is right next to mine, and it’s reassuring to know he’s there if I have any sort of issues come up. I have unlimited print privileges, lots of work space, and a super-fast network connection. It pays me enough, and my tuition and fees are covered 100%. I’m a 6 minute walk from the student union, and 3 minutes from the library. I can catch a bus right outside my building and meet my husband at his office within 10 minutes. If nothing else, it gives me an excuse to leave the house when I otherwise would have none. Being home is nice, but it gets old after approximately two days. This job, despite its frustrations, keeps me sane.

I’ve been making steady progress on my second question, and I feel strangely calm and in control. At my current pace, I’ll finish in plenty of time. As I work, I realize that I know a lot and that I’ve really come a long way over these past three years. My way of thinking about things has revolutionized, I’m far more organized and responsible than I used to be, and I’ve learned to prioritize. I’ve learned to distinguish what’s important for a happy successful life and what’s just a bunch of bullshit that gets in the way. (Spoiler: most of it’s bullshit!)

One of my favorite books ever is Khalil Gibran’s The Prophet. If you haven’t read it, I urge you to read it. It’s some of the most beautiful poetry written in the last 100 years. I was reading it the other day and read his poem “Work,” and it really resonated with what I’ve been experiencing over the course of the past couple of years. An excerpt:

You have been told also life is darkness, and in your weariness you echo what was said by the weary.

And I say that life is indeed darkness save when there is urge,

And all urge is blind save when there is knowledge,

And all knowledge is vain save when there is work,

And all work is empty save when there is love;

And when you work with love you bind yourself to yourself, and to one another, and to God.

I know I need a small vacation, but it don’t look like rain… July 5, 2008

Lately, I get these strange urges to work at very inappropriate times. When I feel like I “should” be working, I just can’t get it going. When it’s totally illogical for me to get crackalackin’ (one of my favorite words, ever), I want to. I sometimes wish I could sleep all day and work all night, when things are quiet and the world outside is at (relative) peace. Instead, I get to work while someone down the street sets off the remnants of his 4th of July fireworks, while the kids next door scream intermittently, and the heat makes me cranky and lazy. Sadly, I have this thing called a “day job” that really cramps my style and makes this arrangement an impossibility.

After my trip to Chi-Town last week, it was hard to get moving again. If anything, it should have served as a proverbial carrot, reminding me of what I’m working for in the short term (finish my Ph.D. and get the hellz out of here!). But, I was tired from the drive, distracted by the mundane, blah blah blah…I’ve gotten some good work done this week and weekend, so I won’t beat myself up too much. I still have 43 days, and I’ve been working (for the most part) steadily. No frantic, eleventh hour efforts for me this time!

Lately, I’ve been addicted to the song “Wichita Lineman” (the Meters cover of it). There’s something about it that I find so soothing, so beautiful, and yet so haunting and hollow. If you’ve never heard it before, I demand that you find a copy of anyone singing it (oh, except for REM…their version sucks) and listen to it. You can thank me later.

July 4, 2008

+ We had an awesome trip to Chicago! The weather was beautiful, we ate unbelievable food, saw lots of awesome things, and we’re so psyched about moving there! On a side trip to Hyde Park to visit our host’s mom, we got to see Obama’s house. Squeeeeeeee! It was a biiiig (but tasteful) house in a beautiful neighborhood. Very fitting for a future president. I also saw Louis Farrakhan’s “complex.” His house is so freaking beautiful. It looks like a mosque, and even the houses for his bodyguards are quite nice. It’s bizarre to think about famous people living in otherwise normal neighborhoods. That’s big city living for you, I guess.

-/+ We drove there and back, and the drive at times was really sucky. Lots of construction, and some crazy-azz detours around Gary, IN that nearly got us horribly lost. Gary is basically the asshole of the world. If you’ve been there, you can vouch. Industrial wasteland as far as the eye can see in any direction. It made me quite sad.

+ We stopped at a really good Indian restaurant in Indianapolis, of all places. There was this gigantic Indian grocery, jewelry store, and clothing shop in the same building. Sure beats eating Taco Bell.

+ We saw WALL-E the other night and it was fantastic! Scott was only lukewarm about it, but I found it both substantial and entertaining. I heart Pixar. If you haven’t seen it yet, go see it!

+/- I came back to a 2 day work week this week, a regular week next week, and then a 3 day work week the following week (and my birthday). Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful to have a job, but when I don’t have students coming in for weeks at a time, it’s hard to motivate myself to come in. I can do nothing at home (and save gas), y’know? We still don’t have digital equipment, and it’s embarrassing as hell to have to explain to people who come in that we use cassette tapes and we don’t use digital pedals or voice recorders. Party like it’s 1979! Grrrrr…

+ 13 days until our beach trip with our friends Sarah and Eric (and Eric’s brother)!!!

+ We’re going to NOLA for Thanksgiving with at least 2 other couples. This may turn into some hugetrip, if we get some more of our Chicago friends on board. We could have at least 4 more people! We’ve all just had enough of holiday related family drama.