Back! July 31, 2005

I tried doing this entry earlier and the stupid laptop deleted it. Urgh.
Hopefully I can get this isht completed before anything crazy happens.
My trip was incredible and I have some awesome pics (which I will
probably post tomorrow morning). In the meantime, here’s what all I did
in Chicago…

July 24, 2005

Today has been really nice.  I’ve been doing housekeeping-type
stuff, looking up restaurants to go to in Chicago, fixing my computer
(finally, the issue is resolved), updating my iPod, going to the gym,
and going out to dinner.  I am still pretty full even an hour
later, but I really didn’t eat much of anything all day, so I’ll
probably be ok.  I’ve found I get a lot fuller on a lot less
lately. I take that as a good sign.

My guitar is up around $145.00, which is fine by me.  I’m hoping
the bidding gets intense tonight and tomorrow morning so that I make a
lot of money for my trip.  First thing tomorrow I’m taking it to
Guitar Gallery and getting it restrung and then I’m running 10 billion
errands in time for the trip. I want to take it easy tomorrow night so
that I sleep well and I’m not exhausted when I get to Chicago.

Back to iPodding….

One of the best weekends ever July 24, 2005

I have had a nice weekend thus far, though it unfortunately hasn’t
included packing for my trip. Ooops.  I need to get on that ASAP
so that I’m not shoving stuff into a suitcase Monday night at around
11:30, since our flight leaves at around 8 or 9 Tuesday.  I always
like to get stuff done way ahead of time so I’m not panicking at the
last minute.

Scott and I went to go see The Bad News Bears
last night, and it was definitely funny.  I cringed at the number
of kids there (and it was a 9:00 showing!) because it was definitely
not a kids’ movie.  No way.  About the only thing that they
didn’t say was “fuck.”  Lots of  potty and genital humor and
some flipping the bird.  Not that I object to that, but it’s
different for six-year-olds. I distinctly remember on weekends not
getting to stay up past 10 until I was at least 9 or 10, but recently
I’ve seen lots of kids out late.  It has to be messing up their
sleep schedules.

I put about 15 albums worth of songs on my iPod last night, and I have
30 more to get done today.  It’s crazy!  Most of them,
admittedly, come from Scott’s collection, but he has a lot of awesome
stuff: Belle and Sebastian, Yo La Tengo, and lots of Bob Dylan.
It’s bothered me for a long time that I begged my dad for an iPod and
then so far haven’t really put a lot of stuff on it.  20 GB is a
lot of space.  To put it in perspective I have around 700 songs on
there and still haven’t taken up more than 2 GB.

My guitar on eBay is so far at $102.50.  I’m pretty happy that
it’s broken the $100 mark, and I’m hoping it’ll go closer to $150,
though I’ll be happy to get back what I paid for it.  There’s this
one guy that keeps bidding and I think he’s unaware of the auto-bid
feature on eBay.  I need to get it restrung on Monday morning so
that it could possibly ship out on Monday afternoon, if whoever gets it
pays up immediately. Otherwise I’ll have to have someone mail it off
for me, or I could take a serious risk and not mail it until the
following Monday when I return.

In other news, my computer seems to hate me.  I have tried turning
it on twice already this morning and it for some reason decides not to
turn the monitor on.  The monitor is receiving power, but it
doesn’t display anything.  Argh…

July 22, 2005

After a lot of thinking, I’ve decided to make some changes.  My
life is about to change a great deal when I start back to school in
August, and I feel like I am in a better place than I was, say, a year
ago.  I kept putting off things I wanted to do for “when I get
older” or “when I get some free time.”  And now that I am a little
older and I’m just swimming in free time (yes, it sucks, I know!) I
still don’t find myself doing things I really want to do.  I’ve
made small steps, like learning to play bridge and fiddling w/ my iPod
more, but there are more things I could/should be doing. I want to get
more into the music I like and find more music that I could like.
I haven’t bought a new CD in months.  Months!  And I used to
freaking study music.  I
think that might be the issue.  I got to the point where something
fun and awesome like music became just another academic pursuit, and
the thought of buying a CD seemed like a waste of time/money.  I
bought a couple new DVDs last month, but there are definitely more I’d
like to buy.  Instead of spending my money on things I don’t
really want nor need, I should prioritize, especially since my budget
is really limited.  Once I move in with Scott and now that my
car’s paid off, I’ll be saving a huge chunk of change every month and I
may have more flexibility in how I spend my resources. I want to only
spend my money on something I know I’ll enjoy, rather than just
spending for its own sake.  I learned that nasty little habit from
my mom, who still seems to have a bit of a compulsive spending
habit.

I also want to work on losing some weight and shaping up.  I
really am not satisfied with my body and I know I have a few years
until my metabolism begins waging war against moi.
I lost about 10 lbs. after becoming a vegetarian (a move I heartily
endorse) but I have some problem areas that need a lot of work.
Topping the list…upper arms (I’m just a few pounds short of bat
wings), inner thighs (who doesn’t
hate theirs?), and stomach. My abs are really not bad at all, but I
want to be really cut.  I saw some old pictures of me when I was
really skinny (like 15 lbs slimmer than I am now) and I really liked
it.  It may be unrealistic, perhaps even unhealthy, but I’d like
to aim for that again.  Maybe losing just 10 lbs would be a huge
improvement.  I’m just scared of the possibility of stretch marks,
since I already seem to have more than my fair share of them.  If
I lose weight, I’ve got to do it very gradually and resist the urge to
go all out and drop 10 lbs in two weeks (it’s been done a time or two,
trust me).

I want to feel better.  Really.

Should my feelings be hurt? July 20, 2005

I’m not one to take a personal offense to anything, and nothing really
upsets me.  Even still, I think for once in a long time, my
feelings are sort of hurt.  I made friends with a girl (I’ll call
her Maria) last year when I was going through some very rough
times.  We hung out a lot and were there to offer advice to each
other about stuff we were each experiencing.  One of her main
issues was that she was in love with someone who happened to not
be from “around here.”  I told her that with any relationship, you
do need to be careful, especially if you were raised in a different
way.  But I encouraged her and told her that I hoped she was
happy.  I was never nagging or overly cautious, despite my own
negative past experiences.  I found out recently that her and this
guy were engaged and are getting married in just a few weeks.  She
told me waaaaay back when (January) that she couldn’t see herself
marrying him for at least a couple years, and I said that it is
definitely an important decision and that I was proud of her for being
level-headed.  I’ve been trying to call her for a few months now
(every few weeks I’ll give her a call but she doesn’t answer so I just
leave her a message) and she has yet to call me back.  I’m
wondering if she thinks I’m going to be discouraging or try to rain on
her parade.  Even still, a little courtesy would be nice.
Also, I checked out her registry on Target.com.  Whoa.  Three
full pages.  And some of the stuff is quite $$$$.  Just to
make sure I wasn’t crazy, I compared to another friend’s registry.
I was right.  Hers was nuts!  I’m glad she at least is having
a real wedding and not just running off or something, but still.
I am very concerned for her for many reasons, most of which I am not at
liberty to discuss.

I got some good news while I was at my mom’s.  I am in the program
(Ed. Research) and they will be giving me full time funding for the
Fall. Yay!  I think if I play my cards right I can get full time
funding for the Spring, too, but I’ll take it as it comes.  It’s
nice to know that after all this time (well, ok more like three months,
but it feels like forever) my efforts have paid off.

I leave for Chicago in less than a week!  I’m so excited to
actually get to go on a vacation this summer and I’m even more excited
that I don’t have to drive.  I went to Montgomery Sunday-yesterday
and while it was nice and all, I really didn’t feel like driving.
My mom actually got me presents I like and can use.  Unfortunately
I broke half of one of them.  She gave me these cute palm tree
goblets and I broke one as I was putting it into my cabinet.  I
was devastated.  And worse, I can’t find where to replace it, so I
emailed my mom last night and had to say, “uhhh….I broke it.
How can I get a replacement.”  I felt pretty shitty doing that,
but I really liked the glasses and I don’t want just one.

My uncle went on this schpiel about “Is Scott going to be willing to
hold off on having a family while you finish your Ph.D?”
WTF?!  I just said, “First things first.  Maybe when we’re
actually engaged or something that’ll be an issue.  Now it’s
not.”  While it was nice to have an endorsement of Scott (from him
and my mom), it was weird that they were talking like that.  I
mean, I’m just 23.  People don’t have kids in their early 20s
anymore, unless there’s really nothing else going on (i.e. no career or
education to take care of).  I had to tread carefully since my mom
was my age when I was born.  I don’t think she wants the same for
me, but then again it’s not really up to her.  Even still, it’s
going to be a long time before there are little Heathers running around
(and the world breathes a sigh of relief….).

My ebay auction on a bottle of perfume I bought (and then hated) is
ending in 5 minutes.  I hope it goes for even higher than it’s
already at (currently $10.50).  I need to list my guitar on there
so that I can get it sold by the time I go to Chicago so that I have
$$$ when I’m there.

:-) July 14, 2005

Today is Bastille Day.  And my birthday!  Yay!!  My mom
woke me up at a quarter of seven to wish me happy birthday.  Let’s
just say I was less than awake.  I had an awesome workout and then
I got all dressed up and had lunch w/ Scott.  We’re going to the
Rec pool after he gets out of a meeting.  And then we’ll have
dinner together and play bridge.  What an awesome birthday.
I’m hoping my dinner tomorrow night will be fun and that most of the
people I’ve invited come.  I’ve had one person decline for sure,
but hopefully she’ll be the only one (I guess whitewater rafting is
more fun than Indian food…ha ha).

A flock of birds went crazy on my car and shat ALL OVER IT.  OMFG
it was gross.  I’ll have to post a pic because it’s
unbelievable.  I had to run my wipers 3 or 4 times to remove all
the crap from my line of vision in order to drive.  At first I was
afraid it was paint and I was about to go homicidal, but it’s
definitely bird doo.  Gag.

Oooooh I am so full from lunch.  I need a little bitty nap.

July 13, 2005

You’d think as little as I had to do I’d update more.  I guess in
a way it’s good because I’m not relying on the computer to occupy my
time and I’m actually getting stuff done.  I took the GRE
yesterday and the days leading up to it were filled with studying and
vocab review.  I didn’t do too badly, but I didn’t get the score I
was hoping for.  Even still, I know it’ll get the job done and I
could have done worse.  There was a pretty vast discrepancy
between my math score and my verbal score, with the math being
higher.  I am not really sure how that happened, but oh
well.  Now I am free to not study….at least for another month or
so.  One of my friends took an education stats class (rather than
stats in her dept.) and she said it was excruciatingly boring.
Good!  That may be what I need.

I went to my great-grandmother’s house on Sunday night w/ my sister
because someone told us she wasn’t doing well at all.  I went
there expecting the worst, but she was actually better than I’ve seen
her in a while.  It was better that I was there instead of here
because of the storm that came through.  A few blocks over from
Scott’s place a utility pole fell over on a car and half of that street
was out of power for about a day.  The poor car is all smashed
up.  Really, Dennis ended up being sort of a let down, but I’m
just glad there wasn’t any major damage.

I’m getting ready to go over to my place and start packing stuff
up.  I’m going to start moving my stuff in to Scott’s today,
though I have no idea when I’ll be able to move my furniture. After
discussing it with my sister, I feel more confident in my
decision.  If my mom gets pissed, so be it.  She’s always mad
at me anyways. I care more about what my dad and sister think, and they
seem to be cool with it. That’s what matters. It really makes more
sense anyways, because it will be less expensive, I’ll have someone
else around, and I’m over there anyways.  There are, of course,
other reasons, but those are the pragmatic ones. Scott already gave me
my birthday present, which is a 5 day trip to Chicago, and we’re flying
there.  Yay!  I’ll be gone the 26th-31st, which means I’ll
need to move out either before or after the trip. I am also selling my
king-sized bed, since I’m tired of moving that thing around
anyways.  I think I’ll sell the entire bed and all of the linens
for around $350-400 (it’s in really really good shape).
Considering it’s hard to find a good king-sized set of sheets for less
than $50 and I’m selling three sets, I’d say whoever buys it will come
out with an awesome deal.

I also need to find some sort of temp job so that I’m not broke.
As it is, I will not be able to make my last car payment.  I’m
going to call and see if I can just pay it off next month since I’m
three months ahead of schedule.  Even paying it off next month
will put me two months early.  I hope she understands my
predicament.  I know I won’t be able to pay my car insurance, but
since my payment plan makes me perpetually a month ahead, I’ll be ok
(i.e., they won’t cancel my policy or anything).  I don’t know
what I’ll do about my Cingular bill.  This really, really
sucks.  If I can just get through a couple more weeks, I’ll be
ok.  Maybe if I end up selling my bed before I go to Chicago
things will be fine.  I’m also going to sell my guitar, since
(let’s face it) I’m not going to be playing it anytime soon, if ever
again.  Being an MT major burned me out on guitar playing.

OK, off to get stuff done!  Yay!

Oh….and my birthday is tomorrow!

July 6, 2005

I will say, for the record, that I have never wanted to be bored.
I’ve never said, “Oh, I just wish I had absolutely nothing to
do!”  I know lots of people would love to be in my position, but
it is absolutely no freakin’ fun.  I can’t even get a job waiting
tables.  Geeez this town is crappy! I’ve just gotta bide my time
until mid-August and then I’ll be overwhelmed, but at least I’ll be
doing something.  I sent in my transcripts and Statement of
Purpose yesterday (muchos gracias to those who read/reviewed it!) and
I’m taking the GRE in less than a week.  But I’m not sure about my
letters of recommendation.  I asked a certain musicology professor
to write one, since the other two are out of the
country (and one of them doesn’t like me all too well), but he has
decided he isn’t going to write one.  Now he didn’t have the
professional courtesy (or the balls) to tell me this directly. No, he
was whining to a friend of his about it (who happens to be one of my
friends as well).  Of course, this friend told me, and it boils
down to that he thinks he doesn’t know me well enough to write me a
rec.  Riiiight.  One of my other recs had me for only one
class but lord knows he wrote me a fine letter.  It’s not even a
letter, really, but a form asking them to rate me on different things
(writing ability and things like that).  I just think he has
issues.  I know he’s leaving in a matter of weeks for a new job,
but he really needn’t be that way.  It’s my freaking career he’s
screwing around with and I am NOT happy with him right now.  It
certainly wouldn’t hurt him to take 10 minutes to do it.

My mom called the other day to “check on me” (ha, ha) and wants me to
come stay with her for a couple days.  As much as I absolutely
don’t want to, I will.  I’ve definitely got to talk to her about
some things, and maybe I can get on her good side so she’ll stop
nagging me once and for all.  Besides, it’s not like I’m doing
anything else.  It’s looking like Scott and I won’t be able to
take a vacation like we planned because he’s got lots of work to take
care of.  It kind of sucks, but at the same time, I’d rather take
a vacation when things are cheaper, the weather’s cooler, and I feel
like I’ve earned a vacation.
Right now my life is one big vacation, and all that traveling would
accomplish is doing the same things I’ve been doing but in a different
location.  I really want to go somewhere cool like Gatlinburg
(never been) or maybe the beach (during the off-season). We are trying
to get to the Voodoo Music Festival in New Orleans sometime in October,
and I think that would be an awesome trip.  I need to get my class
schedule squared away so we can start planning something to do.  I
also  need to figure out how the holidays will pan out this
year.  I will probably end up spending Christmas elsewhere, which
might piss my mom off, but I spend Thanksgiving with her, I think
she’ll be ok. I just hate that I might not spend Christmas with my
dad.  He and my sister are going to Arizona, and I just don’t have
the $$$ to get there.  Scott has never spent Christmas away from
his family (a pretty great accomplishment for someone his age) and I
have.  To me, it just isn’t a big deal where I go now that my
parents have split.  Unfortunately, my mom regards it as a big
deal if I’m not around.  I hate having to make decisions like
this.  Either way I go, I feel bad about what I’m doing.  I
think the best solution is just to do what I feel best about, because
in my case, any decision isn’t a great decision.

Off to go eat breakfast.  Even if it’s almost lunch.

Yay! It’s July! July 1, 2005

Today has been unbelievably lazy for me. Scott and I went to go see War of the Worlds
last night (the 9:10 showing) and I had the everlasting crap scared out
of me.  I couldn’t sleep at all last night.  I did manage to
sneak in a few hours sometime after 4:30 or 5, but by then it was too
late.  I’m not going to say that it was a great movie, but it’s
certainly entertaining.  I can think of much worse
ways to pass two hours.  We snuck in food to the theater rather
than dropping a huge amount of money on low quality shit.  I
manged to sneak in a can of Coke, a can of mango juice, a pack of Sour
Straws and a couple Airheads. Scott had a bag of Gardetto’s in his
pocket.  It was funny how sneaky we thought we were, giggling as
we cracked open our cans.  It was like being 12 all over again.

The only somewhat “productive adult” thing I did today was register for
the GRE.  I’ll be taking it Tuesday, July 12 at 12:30.  I’m
likely going to take one or two more practice tests before then and do
more vocab study.  I feel like I’m in decent shape, but I’m aiming
for a 1500, which is a pretty good score.  I know I’m capable of
it (really, anyone is), but I want to do my very, very best.  My
meeting yesterday with a professor in the Foundations program went
pretty well.  She was interesting to talk to and I am thinking of
doing my minor in Foundations (it’s basically like the foundations of
education, discussing issues pertaining to education, and a lot of
theoretical stuff).  She does research on adolescent girls in
education, especially issues like fighting and cheerleading.  I
need to run by the Ed. library today and pick up a copy of an article
she wrote, just to get a feel for the kinds of stuff I may be
studying.

Now I think I might go lay down since I had a huge lunch at Manna Grocery.  Hot weather doesn’t like me.