May 31, 2005

My weekend was definitely full of ups and downs.  We took off from
Tuscaloosa early Friday morning to drive up to Columbia, MO, which is
about a 9 or 10 hour drive if you don’t stop and make relatively good
time.  On the way up we went through Memphis and St. Louis and
then cut west to Columbia.  About 2 hours south of St. Louis I got
pulled over for speeding (84 in a 70) and got a freaking ticket, which
wasn’t at ALL what I needed.  Even though it was $108, it may as
well have been $108,000 because I don’t have enough money to make ends
meet, much less anything else.  I was definitely not in a good
mood.  That night when we got in to Scott’s parents’ house and
started getting ready for bed, I ripped a contact.  Anyone who
knows me well knows that my eyes are super sensitive to the sun and
therefore I have to wear contacts during the day so that I can wear
sunglasses.  Otherwise, I’m miserable and headachy.  So
Saturday morning we had to get up early and find an eye doctor that was
open and had an open appointment.  We ended up at the Pearle in
the mall and $85 later I had some contacts and a prescription, which I
now keep in my wallet for emergencies such as these.  After that
we went and got pizza from this awesome little place called
Shakespeare’s and took it back to the house.  Tuscaloosa needs a
real pizza place like that, because Pizza Hut/Papa Johns/Domino’s isn’t
going to cut it.  No way.  Tut’s is about the closest thing,
but it doesn’t compare.

We then got ready to go to Scott’s friend Terzah’s wedding.  She
was so nice and the wedding was likely the nicest one I had ever been
to.  You could just tell they were thrilled to pieces to be
married to each other.  I hope I have something that wonderful
with someone in the future.  The reception was pretty kickass and
I met some really nice people, including some friends of Terzah’s who
she met in the Peace Corps.  We had some really interesting
discussions and it got me reconsidering joining. I had given up on the
idea, but now it’s definitely an option sometime in the
future.   Sunday we hung out, went looking at record shops,
went to a nice coffeeshop that had Arabic lattes and then had a cookout
w/ his grandmother.  She was really nice, as was the rest of his
family.  I’ve never really felt that much at home w/ someone’s
family, and it’s a great feeling.  We also played a few hands of
bridge, with some interesting (ha ha) plays on my part.

The drive back on Monday wasn’t too bad.  We were just really
really tired and after about Tupelo it got scary because neither one of
us were of sound mind or body and certainly in no condition to
drive.  Even though we left Columbia at 10:30-ish, we stopped in
Jeff City to take pictures of the capitol, then in Rolla for lunch,
then in some random town to browse through a flea market (that took
over an hour!!) then in Memphis for dinner, then in Tupelo for gas and
snacks….you get the idea.  Hellacious.  Just awful.
We didn’t arrive home until around 1 AM, and when I opened the door I
had an eerie feeling when Applejack didn’t meet me at the door, as he
always does.  I then heard a god-awful primal squalling, and
realized it was Applejack.  Locked up.  Somewhere.  Oh,
shit.  I finally discovered I had inadvertantly shut him in the
back bathroom.  Three days with no food, water, or litter
box.  Good lord, I’m an awful awful awful person.  He was
soooo upset and looked incredibly disheveled and traumatized.
It’ll be awhile before I forgive myself for that, even if he is pretty
much fine now.  The bathroom was an unholy mess though we managed
to get it cleaned up a bit before bed, and then I scrubbed it up this
evening.  Poor poor kitty…I am an unfit kitty-mom.
Thankfully he suffered no obvious ill effects and he’s eating,
drinking, and playing just fine.  I am concerned because he
appears to have lost a couple lbs.  Hopefully he’ll put those back
on pretty quickly.

Work today sucked because I was soooo tired.  Instead of taking a
lunch break I went home and took a 30 minute nap.  Then after work
I slept another 30 minutes.  I feel ok now, just sort of overall
tired and in need of some R & R.  Meeting tonight w/ the Ed.
Res. program head wasn’t on b/c he is teaching.  Friday
night.  God, I hope so.  I understand that there’s a lot
going on for all of us, but I just want some resolution already.
Uncertainty and instability are not my bag, baby.

What Heather will do to get her groove back May 31, 2005

• put apt. up for sublease
• sell flute (and perhaps guitar) on eBay or other such site
• finally have a meeting w/ the Ed. Research dept. guy and find out if I’m in and what kind of funding I’ll get
• spend less time surfing the web and more time doing what I really want to do (going to the gym, going outside, playing piano)
• get serious about finding a job/stop complaining about my current job

I think these steps, though rather small, will help get me back on my feet in a lot of ways.  I really appreciate the support and encouragement from those of you who have left comments. You have no idea what it means to me.

I’m having… May 26, 2005

a full blown quarter-life crisis.  And I’m not liking it one bit.  I hate this. HATE it.  It seems like everyone else has it together except me.  I can’t even get real sympathy from anyone because no one’s experiencing anything close to what I’m going through.  I feel like I wasted 5 years of my life in college/grad school pursuing a degree that’ll get me nowhere.  I should have sold out.  I should have majored in something like business, communications, advertising…something that will actually get me a job.  Instead, I got a degree in music (or a music therapy degree minus a practicum and an internship, if you want to look at it that way) and now I’m temping for $8/hour and working around some of the stupidest people I’ve ever encountered.  I’ve discovered that intelligence, hard work, and ambition count for absolutely jack shit in the “real world.”  All my friends whine about their quarter life crises, but they can’t even hold a candle to what I’m facing.  Their parents supported them through college, so they aren’t staring down tens of thousands of dollars in student loan debt.  They have degrees that get them jobs.  They were in departments that looked out for their students/graduates.  They weren’t forced to change their major 6 months before graduation.  I’m stuck in my obscenely expensive apartment until December.  I can’t afford it now that my dad’s no longer helping me out.  I’m so stressed out it’s ridiculous.  I’m so afraid that all the shit that’s going wrong in my life is going to ruin the one thing that’s going right in my life (Scott).

I feel like somewhere along the way, I got lost…

May 25, 2005

I plan on going to lunch in around 15 min from now.  No one’s in the office so I feel a bit safer goofing off than I would otherwise.  It’s going pretty quickly today, thankfully.  I am doing my best to get tons done so that (maybe) I’ll run out of stuff to do tomorrow and get home early (4-ish).  I may work thru lunch tomorrow in order to accomplish this.  I’ve already finished everything I thought I’d have to do today and I’m already well into my “Thursday” work.  Niiiiice.

I’m planning on going to the gym still.  I may eat something hideously fatty to motivate myself into going.  I’m thinking an eggplant sub would be good, w/o the cheese.  Worse than what I normally eat but nowhere near what lots of people like.  I might even get fries. Nooooooooooooooo!

I hope this weekend isn’t too hectic.  I need a break. Argh.

May 24, 2005

Work for whatever reason wore me out today.  It could be from lack
of sleep since I didn’t get to bed until 12:45 and then woke up around
7, with very fitful sleep in between.  I actually took a nap this
evening after I got home and it helped a bit.  I think I was just
tired and dehydrated because at dinner I drank two full glasses of
water.  We went to the Globe and it was really really good.
I worked there a couple years ago as a hostess but never ate anything
but the french toast.  I had the shrimp tortellini, sans shrimp
and it was amazing, just pasta and veggies.  I like the Globe
because it’s cute and intimate.

Tomorrow I WILL make it to the gym.  I wanted to go
to yoga after work today but I was just too beat.  That sounds
pretty pathetic but it’s true.  I will shoot for an hour workout
and then treat myself to some steamroom/sauna time and a nice shower at
the Rec (rather than delay my shower til I get home).  I’m really
frustrated because most of my body seems pretty decent but my upper
arms are (in my opinion) too big, and it’s definitely not all
muscle.  I just have this layer of fat there that I can’t get rid
of. Grrrr.  Hopefully watching my diet and increasing my workouts
will do the trick.  I really don’t know what else would work.

Supposedly I have a meeting Thurs night w/ the head of the Ed. Research
dept.  I hope it pans out.  From what Scott heard today (via
his friend who’s trying to hook all this up for me) the guy seems
interested and there would be (for sure) good funding in the spring,
perhaps even in the fall.  And there is another music person in
the program, so I wouldn’t be quite the oddity I am now as the only
musicology person.

Just two more working days this week. Wheeeeeeee!

May 20, 2005

My first day on the job went ok. My left wrist reeeeeally started hurting for reasons I’ve yet to discover. I need to maybe pace myself or something so that I don’t give myself carpal tunnel syndrome. My boss is pretty nice and was very cool about me taking off next Friday when Scott and I drive to Missouri to go to a wedding. Yay for Memorial Day weekend road trips! Huzzah!

Today I’m not going to work because I’ve got to work. Confused? I’m going to Demopolis to teach one last time. Unfortunately I likely won’t be getting back here until 8-ish. Ugh. Luckily it won’t be pitch black until the very end of my drive so that’s definitely nice. Before then I need to go to the gym to put in at least 30 minutes, then sort out my stuff for the kids’ recital tonight, then get dressed, go eat at Manna (veggie casserole day!!!!!!), then meet my boss at the office b/c she’s sending someone w/ me that wants to observe me.

Busy day but luckily a lazy weekend lies ahead of me.

May 18, 2005

My visit to Atlanta went pretty well. Traffic was bad. Avoid at all
costs any part of the city from 3:30-7. I nearly had a very serious
accident w/ a dumbass driving a Tyson truck. Faiza and I had Korean
food for dinner at a cute little place on Ponce and then went back to
her aunt’s place and crashed. She lives in a sweeeeeeeet house in
Alpharetta. Un-freakin-believable. Their basement was larger than my
apartment and a hell of a lot nicer.  I took her to the Coke
museum since she’d never been, and a couple other touristy places
before she leaves here for good. Or not, if she gets the job offer in
D.C. she’s interviewing for in a couple weeks. In that case she’ll go
back and then return in a couple months. That would rock.

Now for good news: I have a job! It’s a temp job at Randall that will
actually be a couple months, rather than a couple weeks. However, if
one of my UA jobs pans out I’ll just duck out earlier than planned. A
nice consistent paycheck will do wonders for me and my sad $$$
situation at any rate.  Paying off my car and my Mastercard are
priorities right now.

Hey, ,
guess who’s leaving the School of Music for a (better-paying) position
elsewhere….three guesses, and he’s in the musicology dept.  Not
that I blame him.  I may be getting out myself.  (More on
that later, perhaps).

I guess I need to go to bed soon if I’ve gotta be up at 6:30 to get to work by 8.

well, some good news anyways… May 16, 2005

I called the temp agency this morning to find out what in the hell’s going on. Mind you I dropped off a resume over a month ago, and I hadn’t really heard anything back other than, “We’re still waiting…” Apparently there’s a 3-4 week opening at Randall Publishing (K, I know you did something there, right?) doing data entry. It doesn’t pay all that great, but at this point I’ll take what I can get. It’ll tide me over until I get something more substantial/long term. I also applied for a couple jobs at UA, one as an “Office Associate” in Alumni Affairs/University Advancement and another position as a “Developmental Research Analyst” for Advancement Services. Both pay decently and are benefits eligible, which would be nice. It would give me the option of temporarily dropping out of school if need be, since really the only thing keeping me in now is the fact I’d lose benefits (since I’m still going thru my Dad).

I’m leaving in a few hours to go to Atlanta to hang out w/ Faiza before she takes off for “back home” (meaning: Pakistan). I hope we find something kick-ass to do. And I hope gas is reeeeally cheap there, too. I am going to beg her to eat @ Zyka w/ me, ’cause that place is bombdiggity.

Scott and I had to do a major flea treatment on the house yesterday b/c his cat still keeps getting fleas. I hope it works, because we put sooo much time and effort into it. Applejack (the flea-ridden one) is sitting by me right now looking cute. Mrow. After the flea ridding we went to the gym and I did the elliptical for 45 minutes, a new record for me. I was very proud of myself and I’m thankfully not too sore today. I think I may make it a habit to do at least 30 minutes at a time. I’m shooting to be able to do an hour by the end of summer. I’m also 7 lbs from my goal weight. Woot!

Owwww…. May 14, 2005

I got an email from a student loan consolidation company, so I decided to go ahead and lock in a good rate before they change. I had no freaking idea that I owe nearly 30 grand. Awful, awful, awful. At this point I don’t see how I can possibly justify staying in the master’s program here taking out loans like crazy when I could just hold off and get into a good Ph.D. program that will *pay* me to go to school. I am seriously considering dropping out of school. I do realize that this means I’ll have to start paying back loans, but at this rate, if I take out any more loans I’ll be paying pretty close to (if not more than) $400/month. Yikes. I realize student loan debt is ok credit-wise, but g*ddamn that’s a lot of money. With interest and everything I will be paying back $40,000. That’s a nice car. That’s a down payment on a house. That’s a lot of things. I can’t see or justify taking out yet more loans.

Advice?

May 12, 2005

Today was a day where I luckily did very little. I did some adding to
my iPod, something I didn’t do after early January. I also did some
cleaning out around my place in order to scrape together stuff for a
garage sale. I actually came up w/ a lot of stuff, and a stack of
clothes to consign. It seems like I’m always getting rid of clothes,
but I buy clothes on a consistent basis. Scott and I went thrifting
today and came out with some awesome (!!!) deals. We went to some small
store downtown and I paid $2.25 for a bag of mulling spices, a pair of
Jones New York pants, a nice houndstooth skirt, a cute white button-up
shirt, and a black Talbott’s skirt. Unreal!!! I definitely need to go
shopping at thrift shops more often because I always come up with
amazing stuff for next to nothing. I’d love to halve what I spend every
month, and I think that I’m well on my way to doing so. I really want
one of these.
I’ve briefly considered selling my car, buying one and a slightly
inferior car.  That way I have a car to go to Bham or to see my
parents,but I have a scooter to get around town.  They get 90 mpg,
which is definitely great.  And they’re cute.

I think bedtime is approaching shortly.  I have to go to the gym,
then go home, change, go pick up equipment, and then go to Demopolis
and teach.  Ugh.  I’ll have only two more times after
tomorrow.  I can’t wait to be done w/ that, for at least
awhile.  I’m applying for a job w/ UA Alumni Affairs.  It
pays well (relatively, anyways) and they provide benefits. Yay!
If it pans out well I may alter my academic schedule to allow myself to
work.  Let’s see how that goes…